Searching for Laodicea

Sorry to tease about another excursion and then not post for 3 days. Life conspired against me and my phone and internet lines went haywire on Friday, when I was planning to post. They were working by 7 pm but then we had an impromptu night out with the family and I rarely post on the weekends. So here it is Monday morning, and I am sure you have been hanging onto the edge of your seat. Or not. Whatever.

Our next to the last day in Turkey we had decided to drive up to Laodicea and Pammukale. It was a 4 hour drive each direction, and across mountains that we were not too sure how tall or difficult to drive they would be. But our pastor has been doing a series of sermons on "letters to the young churches" and we really wanted to go. So plans are made. And then...

During dinner the night before, Jewel gets sick--three times before we ever leave the restaraunt. Since she had only eaten a couple of bites of bread, we didn't blame the food. We get her home. She gets sick again. We put her to bed. I'm beginning to believe we are destined to not go. German says after a good night's sleep she'll be fine. We go to bed. At 3a.m. German is up--sicker than I have ever known him to be sick in the 13 years we have known each other. We all collapse back in bed about six. I'm sure we are not going to go. At 8:30, German says, "I still want to go." I tried to talk him out of that kind of drive since he was wiped out. He said he believed it was a spiritual and physical attack to keep us from a blessing, and the attack was not going to win. Jewel was tired but said she felt fine. We got ready to go.

The drive across the mountains was glorious. God's creation in its glory.


Jewel slept the entire trip, and Flower happily talked and sang the whole way. It turned out to only be a 3 hour drive to Denzili (the big town near the ruins), so we were feeling incredibly blessed. The map showed a big intersection in Denzili. The Laodicean ruins were marked up the road to the left maybe ten miles. Pammukale was off the road to the right. We decided to go to Laodicea first. We drove about 15 miles reading every sign there was. No sign of Laodicea. We reached a town that was clearly past the ruins on the map. We turned around, and carefully read every sign possible. We turned off the road at the interesection that best looked like where it was. Still no Laodicea. Then German did the unheard of: he pulled into the carpark of an official looking building and said, "I'm going to go ask for help."

I sat in the car kind of stunned. He came back and said that the people didn't know where it was, and only one spoke English, but they were going to help if we would come in and have a cup of tea. I'm thinking two things: 1. will the girls be good in this official looking building? and 2. I wonder if we can also use the toilets--Flower has gone 3 hours without asking and I'm worried. We had a lovely cup of tea. The girls were given juice--a real treat for them. The guys in the office were buzzing around, using the internet, calling people on the phone, talking amongst themselves. German asked about toilets and they quickly showed him where. Just as he came back, they said they could show us where to go. I started to speak up, but German whispered that it wasn't a good idea. Okay...this was the toilet...

He didn't think a hole in the ground would be that helpful for very Western-minded Flower. I agreed. (ahh the joys of traveling)

They gave us directions, back to the big intersection and to the road to Pammukale where we would see the sign for Laodicea. If we had only gone to the other destination first, we would have found it. But then we wouldn't have met the nice people and had a cup of tea either.

We got there and the first thing I saw was the sign for toilets. Nice, big, modern, clean. Yay! And Flower had stayed dry! Double blessing. That taken care of, we set off on the ruins.

To the Church in Laodicea
"To the angel of the church in Laodicea write:
These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God's creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth. You say, 'I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.' But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see. Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest, and repent. Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me. To him who overcomes, I will give the right to sit with me on my throne, just as I overcame and sat down with my Father on his throne. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches." Revelation 3:14-22

Here is what is left of the church that would have received this letter.


The town, once prosperous, was laid to ruin by an earthquake in AD 494. Excavations have unearthed much of it and several of the columns have been set back up as they might have been along the columned road.



The two large amphitheaters can be seen. One was able to hold 20,000 people in its day.


I walked through the ruins singing the Steve Camp song, "Living in Laodicea".

Oh Lord, take Your plow to my battleground
Let Your blade dig down to the soil of my soul
For I've become dry and dusty, Lord I know there must be
Richer earth lying below

Chorus:
For I've been living in Laodicea
And the fire that once burned bright, I've let it grow dim
And the very Word I swore that I would die for all has been forgotten
As the world's become my friend


We have turned from Your Law to try to find a better way
Each man does today what is right in his own eyes
We will pay the price for our sinning
We can never know true living, we've exchanged His truth for lies

CHORUS ("we")

It is no small of a thing that He's done for you
By shutting the gates of hell upon the cross
We were sentenced once but now we are pardoned
And He chooses to use us though we fall

So while we're living in Laodicea
Keep the fire burning bright, don't let it grow dim
For the very Word we swore that we would die for, it must not be forgotten
Fear the world become a friend
For the very Word we swore that we would die for, it must not be forgotten
Fear the world become a friend

I thought about how easy it is for us to build our lives on things that are not substantial. We put up columns in our life representing things that have no eternal significance. And then, one major storm--one major earthquake--comes along and shakes our world.

The temporal falls. The unsubstantial cannot last. Sometimes those storms have nothing to do with us. They are the natural consequence of living in a fallen world--illness besets, disasters of flood or storm deluge. Sometimes they are storms of our own making--materialism leads to financial disaster, unhealthy eating leads to disease, selfishness leads to relationship breakups. And, sometimes, God uses the storm as discipline to wake us up and draw us back to Him. As I set in the ruins of that once great city, this was on my mind. Although painful, I pray that God will lay waste to the things in my life that keep me from serving Him with my whole heart. I'd rather Him do this out of love than to reap the consequences of the sin later.

Father, I want to serve you with my whole heart. I want to be hot and cold for you. I do not want to be lukewarm--ineffective and annoying. Father tear down the columns of self-sufficency that I have built up. Lay to waste the things that do not please you. I pray that my life never lays in ruins of disobedience, but is constantly being rebuilt by You to be stronger and a witness of Your faithfulness. In Your Son's Precious Name...Amen.

Some Excursions on Holiday

We were able to do a couple of day trips while in Turkey. The Greek Island of Meis lies just 2 km off the coast of Turkey. So one day we took a 20 minute boat trip to the island--to be able to say that we had entered Greece. Unfortunately for me, it was the morning after I had managed to eat/drink something that did not agree with me at all. We believe that it was probably from the ice at the villa--that the guests before us must not have been as diligent to use bottled water as we were. To say the least, anything involving being on the water did not enthuse me that morning. But the trip was booked, and it was a beautiful morning, so I tried hard to be a good sport.



The trip across was uneventful. The girls wanted to see the castle ruins that were on the top of the hill. So we started up the steps.


Then wandered along the path.


Finally got to the castle and discovered this is the way in.


Did I mention I was not feeling well? And it was almost 90 degrees? And I'm trying hard to get hydrated and be a good sport? German knew I was in no shape to do it, so he offered to take the girls himself. And they loved it. But at the top there were no guard rails at all. And he spent most of the time scared he was going to lose one of them. But the pictures from the top are great!

We came down the hill to eat lunch. While we were eating a thunderstorm blew in. And the rain came down.

And we ended up being drenched rats. But, thankfully, by the time we had to run for the boat I was feeling much better. :) And now I can say I've been to Greece!

Our other excursion was to the town of Myra. The trip started out rather eventful, but they soon cleared the road.



Myra is the hometown of Nicholas (later St. Nicholas)where he was bishop. I got the coolest hand knotted rug of St. Nick to display in December. We don't do Santa Claus as a gift giver in our home, but we will talk about how the myth came to be and who the person behind it was. (gotta love homeschool rationalization for buying decorations). Myra was also a port town in Biblical days. According to Acts 27:5, Paul, as a prisoner, changed boats here on his way to be shipwrecked err..on his way to Rome. We visited the ruins of Myra--the necropolis and the stadium (amazing). It was a lovely day out. Well worth it if you ever visit Southern Turkey.



I promise to stop boring you with holiday pictures soon (we only took 1300!), but I do have one more excursion to tell you about and some reflection. It'll be worth coming back for...I promise.

It's a Good Thing She's Cute...or is it?

It's a Good Thing She's Cute...

You know, moms, when you have had one of those days, and dad comes home and you tell him how bad it has been and he says something kind of supportive, but in your heart you read his eyes saying "why are you being such a wimp, they're kids"? We've all had those days. And the dads in our life try, but they really don't get it.

Until it happens to them.

German was such a sweetie on our holiday, and would get up with the children at the crazy time of 715 and allow me to sleep a little longer. (note to self: don't put children in only bedroom with east facing windows!) Day Six of our holiday dawns, and this set-up is working great for me. Around 730, we hear children and off he goes to get them and go downstairs. Then I hear an "Oh Flower!" followed by complaining, although mainly under his breath. Flower had had one of *those* diapers, you know the ones that get everywhere--in this case all over the stark white linens on her bed and the marble floor. I took this as my cue to come and help--I cleaned her up, he cleaned to floor up and then I put all the linens in to wash. Catastrophy avoided.

Since we are all up, we head down for breakfast poolside. Flower is goofing off at the table and drops her fully jammed up toast onto her shirt. Two outfits and it isn't even 830 yet! *sigh* I strip the shirt off of her. We finish breakfast. We send the little angels (ahem) in to get dressed--Jewel was still in pjs and Flower is in shorts only at this point. Peace at last.

We finish our drinks, gather all the dishes up to go inside, get to the door and....Flower has locked the sliding door! And the girls have gone up to the third floor so they can't hear us knock. We are locked out for 22 minutes before they wander back downstairs to see what we are doing! The entire time German is fretting. I keeps saying "it happens" and he keeps shaking his head, as if this type of thing has never happened before. *heeheehee*

The girls let us in. German looks at me and says, "that has to be everything today, right? I mean three things before 930!" I just smiled knowingly, because this kind of day is just beginning.

Don't you love it when they get a glimpse of our world?!

And she is cute (here playing hide and seek with a friend).

But then again...is it good she's cute?

Flower was the belle of the ball in Turkey. Everyone loved her fair hair and blue eyes. People fawned over her. Ladies pinched cheeks, men stopped her in the street to give her flowers "for a kiss on the cheek", we were offered, tongue firmly in cheek, 15 camels for her. She ate it up! And the waiters...oh the waiters! The pictures speak for themselves.


The sweetest story, was on night two when the waiter (first pictured) was asking Flower if she would like to stay and help wash dishes. She was nodding her head and we were joking about it. All of a sudden, Jewel burst into uncontrollable sobs. She really thought we were going to leave her! Ah, bless her heart.

Funniest story was the last day. German was doing a "wrap-up" video with the girls of what we had seen and done. He asked Flower if she liked it when "all those men kissed you?" She vigorously nodded her head and just giggled. *sigh* What are we going to do with her? I'm proposing locking her up until she is 30. Any suggestions?

Food, Glorious Food!

One of the many highlights of a holiday is experiencing the new food offerings of where ever you are. Turkey was no exception. The food was lovely (the water, on the other hand, is another story entirely).

Most of the restraunts were roof top terraces. There is something incredibly romantic about sitting on a rooftop, watching the sun dip behind the mountain, staring at the boats coming into the harbour. Romantic even with a 2.75 and 5 year old in tow. Imagine what it would have been like without the kiddos, lol. Here are a few pics of us at the various places to eat.



Last night at Turkuaz, our favorite


And the food was glorious (and I forgot to take many pictures). The kebabs, the Calamari, the Shrimp, the Lamb, yum!
The stuffed lamb (stuffed with rice, potatoes and herbs) had been roasted whole for 12 hours! It was butter knife tender and oh, so good!

This was called the Sultan's Harem and described as being fit for a king! German loved it.


The presentation of the Ishkender Kebab was almost as nice as the dish itself. Almost.


One of the restraunts was owned by a magician, who entertained the girls (and us--the card tricks were incredible!)


German did a lot of playing around with photographing lights and glass. Here are two of our favorite shots from the trip.


Even breakfast was an event! Eating poolside! Fresh bread delivered to our door each morning. Lovely jam. Amazing Apple Chai. Yum!

Almost Paradise

My little hiatus was to run away with my wonderful family for 11 days of sun and fun on the Southern coast of Turkey. Now Turkey has never been very high on my list of places to visit. In all honesty, Turkey has never even made the list of places to visit. But, so many people we know have holidayed there and just raved about it. And, a friend owns a holiday villa out there, and we could get a good deal. So, we went. (pictures removed due to hosting issues)




What took us so long? This was our view. Everyday. For eleven sun-filled days.

 

The girls loved swimming everyday---and got quite confident in the water.


 


When we got tired of our private pool, we walked the 10 minutes down to the sea...




(yes, it is a big trampoline out in the middle of the bay!)

...or took a bus to Patera beach, voted one of the top beaches in the Mediterranean! And it was lovely!




I'll have some more insightful posts to come, but right now, you can enjoy the view.




Isn't God amazing?!

I AM--Lesson Sixteen--Wide Open Spaces

Lisa at The Preacher's Wife has posted the final installment of the I AM study. What a lovely, timely and amazing study this has been. The final lesson is based on Deuteronomy 34 and Hebrews 11 and deals with the Moses' reaching the Promised Land. No, he did not enter the physical promise land, but he did step into his eternal promised land. Another lovely lesson. This time she asks only one question:

"What is one thing God has taught you through this study?"

I can't easily say just one thing as this study has seriously impacted my life. The overall theme of God being ENOUGH was something that I needed reinforced. My head is full of knowledge, often too much knowledge, and it becomes easy to depend on what I know to get me through life. Often, sadly, I even depend on my knowledge to get me through the Bible Studies I teach. I needed to get past that. Lisa's description of the pillars falling in this lesson resonated with me (see here for my post on the fragility of our pillars). I love that He continues to reveal that He is absolutely enough, no matter how much (or little) I feel I need on any given day. He already knows my portion, and has prepared it for me. What an awesome realization!

Bless you Lisa for sharing your love of the Word and your love of people with us in this study. You will probably never know this side of heaven how many people you have blessed. But He knows! May you feel His Love poured out on you as you prepare for whatever He next calls you to do.

In Other Words---A Gentle Admonishment

"Gentleness is part of being feminine - part of being a woman, and God made us distinctly different from men on purpose!"
~ Melanie Chitwood ~

A few years ago, I had an opportunity to speak into the life of a friend who was finding it difficult to submit to her husband in terms of where his job was going to move them. I remember it vividly. I wrote out my concerns and backed it up with a few verses. Just before I hit send on the email, I called her on the phone. I said that she was about to receive an email from me, but she needed to know something before she read it--I was not operating in the gifts of mercy but in the gifts of prophecy, so please accept it in the spirit it was sent and not focus on it being harsh. She laughed, because we had often talked about why couldn't our gifts of prophecy be coupled with mercy. A couple of days later she called and told me that (husband) says thank you. That was the last time we were really able to talk about marriage (either of our marriages). Not the last time that a word was needed, but the last time a word from me would be heard. Why? Because it was harsh. And we, especially we women, know the absolute need for gentleness. Her husband found it refreshing, but she found it isolating.

I go back to that situation time and time again in my mind. The event did not end the relationship--in fact we will have lunch together this week. But it did end the depths to which I am allowed to go. And even though I had tried to soften the message, the message was still abrasive. And gentleness is needed. I still operate as a "forth teller, a truth teller, a prophet" in many ways, but now I don't joke about it not being coupled with mercy--I pray for it. Women need to hear the message, but presented in a gentle manner. It is how we are wired. It is how God made us. And we should rejoice in it, not fight against it.

Look how Jesus spoke differently to men and women:
*To Simon the Pharisee he admonishes him for not providing water for his feet, oil for his head and for loving little. To the woman at His feet, he says "your sins are forgiven." (see Luke 7:46-48) Both got the message loud and clear. The theme was the same, the delivery different.
*To the men who *caught* the woman in the act of adultery: "if you have no sin cast the first stone." To the woman, "Neither do I condemn you." (See John 8:1-11) Again, I would say that both groups heard the same truth, presented in a different manner.
And, Jesus did not reserve His gentleness for women only. He understood what the listener needed to hear at the time. He rebuked Peter harshly, He warned Peter solemnly, but He also restored Peter gently. And that is the key to our developing the fruit of the spirit which is gentleness, that we understand when to be gentle and when to be firm. Praise God that He has shown us we can be both!

I once thought that a difficult message had to be presented solemnly and harshly to be heard. But as I get older, I understand that gentleness is a needed ingredient. The old Mary Poppins adage, "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" is so true. Our admonishments are heard both in the heart and the ears--and gentleness prepares the heart to hear. I'm now more grateful for that. I am grateful that, as a woman, my voice can be softer and it be considered an asset. I'm thankful that society allows me, even expects me because I'm female, to empathize more. I'm able to reach out and physically touch in ways that men are not allowed (for the men in our lives even placing a hand on a shoulder can be considered agressive in some situations). Gentleness is allowed by society in women. And it gives us a unique opportunity to be heard. May we not squander that opportunity trying to be something we are not.

I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4

Father, thank you that you draw me with gentle cords. Thank you that you guide me with soft words. Thank you for speaking to the tenderness of my heart. You love me and protect me as a mother hen cares for her young. And I am grateful. I, too, am grateful that you gift me with gifts that speak the truth into people's lives. Temper the message with grace and mercy and gentleness. Allow me to speak in such a way as to be truly heard. By Your Grace, Amen.

Our hostess this week for In Other Words is Iris at Sting My Heart. Come be blessed by what others are saying!

Last Things First

Hello! The family and I have returned from our amazing holiday and I am feeling refreshed and can't wait to catch up with you all. My google reader count read 976 this morning! So, it is likely to take me some time to catch up. Be patient with me if I don't comment for a while.

You will probably get thoroughly sick of hearing about the holiday in the next several posts, but right now I'm going to start with Saturday after the holiday. Every year, my wonderful husband gives me the opportunity to go the Northern Women's Convention without children! This year was a true sacrifice on his part since we had only returned at 0230 on Friday. The girls were jet-lagged, not back into a schedule of any kind and grumpy. Plus it was raining, so he couldn't even take them for a bike ride or walk. But he was soooo gracious. And it was greatly appreciated!



The NWC is in its third year and is a gathering of women from across the Northwest of England for teaching and worship. There were 13 of us from our church that went, but the hall itself was packed. There were even a few people sitting on the floor! The worship and the fellowship was amazing. The theme was "Knowing God...through His word and by His Spirit". The sessions were great--reinforcing things that I know in my head but don't always practice in my heart. One of the speaker's was emphasizing that it is in the dialogue of relationship that we get to know someone. She reminded us that the Bible is not the words that God spoke, but instead it is the words that He speaks. Although it is a subtle difference, we must remember that it is a living, breathing word and not a conversation that took place in the past. BUT, we must enter into the dialogue. We must listen, meditate, respond and apply it to our lives or we are not doing our work in the relationship. I needed the reminder. How easy is it to fall into a trap that the Bible is stories of the past? I find this especially true as I spend so much time focusing on the "stories" that the girls can understand and get excited about. But it is so much more than a storybook! It is my very lifeline. It encourages me and it "knocks me flat" (words of the speaker), but it is always leading me to growth. I am praying that this word will breathe a freshness into my quiet times, and that I can find the relationship richer.

The break-out seminar that I attended was about how to teach our kids the Bible. There were some great ideas about how to do family devotional time and how to encourage our children to pray aloud as they get older. The two speakers were quite different. One had 4 teenage boys. The other had two boys and a girl ages 5-11. Different life stages. But they dialogued about what has worked and not worked, and how it has changed as the children grew. It was very encouraging. The thing that I walked away mulling, and continue to mull over, was how to teach grace. She stated that kids, by nature, are very legalistic. Without even intending to, we can often teach our kids that they "earn" God's favor--"God doesn't like it when you...", "It makes God happy for you to...", etc. She said it is so difficult to strike the balance of them understanding that they are sinners and truly believing that God saves us by grace and not by our being good. I know that I often refer to to verses about "pleasing God" to motivate Jewel, and I fear I may be creating a little legalist. It is something I am praying that God will make me aware of and give me wisdom as I seek to grow up young women who will love and serve the Lord.

The final session was on 2 Timothy 3 and that Our Knowing God through the Bible is enough to face the last days. The focus was that Paul told Timothy, the last days are hard and will continue to be hard, but God is faithful. He tells us not to despair, that the foolishness of the false teaching will be revealed but we must be wise to recognize that false teaching is out there. For me, it was in the session that I heard the quote of the day: "The Bible is not a book of rules, but a book of salvation." I forget that. I look for the rules of how to cope in situations. But the intention of the Bible is point us to a saving relationship with God through Christ. The rules of life come out of that relationship.

Father God, I seek to grow in my relationship with you. I want to know your heart--and to know your heart I must interact with your word. Instill in me the desire to read and pray and meditate more. Help me to organize my time and my priorities so that you are first and foremost. Allow me to model a life of devotion to the little girls who will learn more by my actions than my words. Thank you for Godly women who teach and remind us of the things of your heart. Thank you for a husband that recognizes the value of me having time with other Christian women and makes the time available to me. I desire to know You... lead me to Yourself. Amen.

Hiatus

MiPa's Monologue is going on a short hiatus as I enjoy some much needed family time. I'll be back by the end of October. Bless you all!

I AM Lesson 15: Full Circle

It's time for another installment of I AM...so you don't have to be. This is a great study and I really can't believe we are almost to the end. I am loving the fellowship in comments as well as the way God is using Lisa's words to transform my life. Really, if you haven't started this study yet, there is still time. Round two is just starting. Go to The Preacher's Wife and dive in. You won't regret it.

This week's lesson is out of Numbers 14 and Numbers 32:16-18. Here are my responses to the Burning Questions.

Burning Questions:

1. I think we can all agree most of us find ourselves closer to God in the struggle than without it. How does it affect you knowing that trial is what draws you more intimately in relationship to Your God? After the struggle, it is a blessing because I know that the trial was not in vain. As I go through the trial it can be either a blessing that reminds me that God is using it or a frustration of why does it have to be a trial? I think I find the trials of my own making, the ones that are more discipline related than refining related, so much more frustrating because I know that I could be close to God without going through all the unnecessary hard stuff. Refining trials I know God has purposed for my good.

2. Have you ever made a huge mistake but then found yourself in the position for a 'do-over'? Did you make a better decision the second or third or fourth time around? :) I honestly think that most of the time I am good at learning from my mistakes. So when God has graced me with a do-over, I have made better decisions (often not best decisions, but at least better). It certainly gets easier to make the right decision everytime the opportunity presents itself, lol.

3. Is there a 'generational sin' in your family you have overcome? This can be anything from a lineage of unbelief to issues of many kinds. This may be a private matter. Share if you feel liberty or quietly thank God for His deliverance. If you have not yet been delivered, I pray with all my heart God's Word is giving you courage to ask for help in that area. This year I have focused on breaking the generational pattern that louder (err...yelling) does not produce more obedient children. My mother learned it from her father who probably learned it from his father. By God's grace this is the generation that it ends. And He is honoring that desire--again I'm not there yet but lots of progress.

4. Have you ever been misunderstood? Do you feel unforgiven for past mistakes even though you know God has forgiven you? yes and yes (and I can't say more than that)

5. Is there a sister you need to extend grace towards in order to be able to 'bless God together'? Do you comprehend how your unforgiveness is hindering her from inhabiting her own Promise? If no, do you recognize a situation within your church body where this may be happening? If so, ask God to raise up a 'Phinehas' (mediator) in this situation. He may just reveal the Phinehas is you. :)
Having spent a large part of the last four years as the unforgiven, despite attempts to resolve the issue, I totally can comprehend that unforgiveness can hinder someone from inhabiting their own Promise if they let it. I know that God has forgiven and that God was leading in the situation and I can live in Promise despite her unforgiveness. But the situation has made me more acutely aware when grace needs to be extended. I don't believe that there is anyone to whom I currently need to extend that grace. But God did present a situation last night where I may be asked to be Phineas. Please pray for wisdom! :-)

IOW--Big, Big God

"If we could understand everything God does, then He'd have to be a small god--small enough to fit in our little minds."

~ Randy Alcorn ~

It is a dilemma.

On the one hand, I want my God to be BIG. Big enough to handle any of the major and minor catastrophes that litter my days. Limitless to cope with my questions and my doubts. A heart huge enough to love me at my most unloveable. A mind vast enough to fathom the deepest and darkest mysteries. Yes, I want God BIG.

But...I also want Him small. Small enough that I can think He is controllable. Small enough that I am not afraid when I seek to manage my daily stuff on my own. Compact enough to carry around in my pocket and pull out like a magic genie anytime I really need him. Limited, so that my finite brain and heart can understand and love Him.

It is a dilemma. But it is a dilemma of my own making. My lack of trust is what makes me think I need to control Him. My acceptance of the cultural creed "Just Do It" says I need Him compact so I can do it myself. My buying the lie that I can understand everything, makes me limit what He can do in my life. It's not really a dilemma, it is a sin. I am attempting to make an image of God that I can control--otherwise known as an idol. And we know what Scripture says about idols:

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments." Exodus 20:4-6

Back in my University days, my chapel group undertook a study of J.B. Phillips, Your God is Too Small. In his introduction, Phillips states, "If it is true that there is Someone in charge of the whole mystery of life and death, we can hardly expect to escape a sense of futility and frustration until we begin to see what He is like and what His purposes are." This quote, and this book, challenged me to not put "God in a box" or make Him just my "resident policeman." I was/am so guilty of making God small enough to control and therefore missing the vastness of His power and glory. I am grateful to that University study for challenging my "small" God. But, I must say, in my post-University journey I have learned to question this book as well. [For instance, there is no way I would say if it is true, because my experience shows me that God is true over and over.] But more pointedly, the quote seems to imply that once we begin to learn what God is like, the sense of futility and frustration abate. For me, it is quite the opposite, the more I know of God the more I know that there is still so much to know about Him. Which brings me full circle to the dilemma. Do I want to be challenged by a big God, and constantly reminded of the smallness of my ability to understand? Or do I want to be in control?

Today, I choose to relinquish control to my Big, Big God. And, by His grace, I will face the choice again tomorrow and everyday that follows until He takes me home and I see how BIG he really is. I pray that each day I choose more of Him and less of me. What is your choice today?

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

Today's In Other's Words is hosted by Loni at Finding Joy in the Morning. Please join us there for other meditations on this quote.

homeschool update

A homeschool update is here:

Thanks for visiting!

IOW--Thorns or Roses?

She slips into the back pew at the church, heart heavy.

*sigh*

A mental review of the week. "You know God it is hard to follow You." *sigh*

Finding a parking place this morning was difficult. Why did she have to park so far away? Almost half-way across the parking lot! Whoever designed the church building and parking didn't take into consideration that if people were running late a ten minute walk would be frustrating.

And work. Don't get her started! Her co-worker is Jewish, so her boss gave him the day off Thursday for the start of some Jewish holiday she has never heard of. "It just isn't fair!" she fumes, "he wouldn't give me a day off for a Christian holiday! Really! I'm not even allowed to wish anyone a 'merry Christmas' anymore lest it offends someone. Discriminated against, that's what we are. Discriminated against."

And then there was her son. Suspended from school for praying. All he was doing was saying grace before his meal. He didn't even say it aloud or ask others to join him. But the principal said that his bowing his head at the table might offend someone. "More discrimination," she muttered.

The music starts. It is an upbeat, contemporary praise tune. "Why can't we just sing the traditional stuff. Where is Luther's 'A Mighty Fortress' in today's services?" *sigh*

Oh good, the sermon. "What's he saying? He wants me to give my hard-earned money for those persecuted in other countries? Doesn't he know about the persecuted kid at my dinner table?" The sermon drones on. *sigh* Now the preacher is asking for volunteers to do street work with the homeless. "Touch those people. I think not! He must be out of his head. I'm not going down there--at night even!"

Service over. In her car. Frustrated again that it is taking so long to get out of the parking lot. "Why does coming to church have to be such a hassle?"

Meanwhile. Half a world away, a young girl pulls her collar up around her neck. She quickly looks around her to see if anyone is watching, then ducks into a dark room and hurries down to the basement. She is alone. Mother died when she was young. Father, in prison somewhere, maybe dead, just for having a Bible. Siblings, all scattered. Did they make it to safety or were they caught? She won't know this side of eternity. There are four others there already. There will not be any more--too risky to have a large gathering. They join hands around a single candle and pray. The quickly, hungrily read the few pages of the Bible they have managed to get. The same verses every week, but such a comfort. Why do they risk meeting for just a few words? Because the sweet aroma of fellowship and worship with their Lord is worth any cost.

"They gave our Master a crown of thorns. Why do we hope for a crown of roses?"
~Martin Luther ~

"Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 5:10

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the LORD delivers him from them all." Psalm 34:19

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Matthew 10:37-39

Father forgive me! Forgive me when I am complacent about the freedoms I have to come to You and worship You freely. Forgive me when I complain about surface issues, when so many are suffering for Your name, right this very minute. Forgive me when I am angry that life is not easy and help me to instead seek You in my troubles. Forgive my selfish and ungrateful heart. Amen.


Our hostess this week for In Other Words is Iris at Sting My Heart. Please join us there to share your take on the quote, or to be blessed by what others are writing.

Finding the balance

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:1-5


The Ladies Bible Study I lead started again last Friday. This autumn we will be reading and discussing Joanna Weaver's Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The theme God has laid on my heart this year is balance, balance, balance. As I shared with the ladies, God is calling us/me to have balance in our/my life. I need not stop doing the things at home in order to pursue Bible Study, nor do I stop my quiet times to care for family and house. I can't neglect my physical well-being in order to develop my spiritual disciplines. It is all about balance! I'm really looking forward to what God is going to do in our group this year.

Each year, I ask God to lead me to a verse that will be my basis for leading throughout the year. This year, He led me to Psalm 103:1-5. Each of us need to pursue the 5 benefits in our life. We may need physical healing--or we may need to claim that promise for others in our realm of influence. We may need to be freed from a pit of sin or we may need to feel His love and compassion. As we pursue balance this year, I am encouraging my ladies to memorize these five verses and to claim the promises in them. We can only find true balance in allowing God to reign in our lives. How about you? Do you need to claim the promises? Blessings to you as you pursue your own relationship with the Almighty.

photo credit: www.morguefile.com, author=taliesin

Lingering and Loving

I've been thinking a lot about family and friends this week. This post by Tami at The Next Step got me started. Situations differ, but the desire the same--to connect. I am blessed that my immediate family are all believers. But believing in and loving the same God, does not always equate easy to be together. Although we are not even a year apart in age, one would think that my brother and I were raised in different households. Our perceptions of home and family are that different. In many ways, when our parents divorced (almost twenty years ago) he adopted my mother's reality and I took on my Dad's. I'm sure the truth is somewhere in the middle. *grin* We are both opinionated (is that a surprise?) but he cannot see any way beside his own. In his reality, no one should ever leave Texas (I left 17 years ago), wives should always be at home (I worked for the first years of my marriage), church should be Pentecostal (I am Baptist through and through), etc etc etc. He never travels. He rarely steps out of his comfort zone. And, I'm happy for him. It works for him. It would drive me insane, but it works for him. I just wish that he could allow me the choices to live where I want, worship how I want, to travel and constantly push the boundaries of the comfort zone, and for him to understand that my choices work for me. So we find ourselves with a chasm--and not much to talk about when I go to visit. Since we moved overseas, and get home so infrequently, I have tried to view my life from his point of view, straining at times to find a connection. Tami's post left me with that wanting...wanting him to linger and wanting to find the right combination. But I don't see it. I thank God we share faith in common and that some day the other differences won't mean anything. But I wonder what we are missing now.

The second reason family is on my mind, is that my dear niece turned thirteen yesterday. Thirteen! How can my baby brother have a thirteen year old? (because obviously that means I'm old enough to have one as well!) She has already experienced more disappointments in life than many people see in a long lifetime, yet she is developing a lovely faith of her own. My biggest regret of living so far away is that I can't really be an influence in her life (and God knows she needs a female influence in a household of men). All I can do is pray, and be thankful that she has a church that loves her and teaches her. Happy Birthday sweetie!

As I was praying for my niece yesterday morning, then doing my blog reading, I found this post by Ann at the Holy Experience of Listening. God frequently drives me to my knees through Ann's words, and yesterday was no exception. I literally sobbed through much of the post. The question: "Who is the lost sheep in your life He is calling you to love?” stood out. My immediate family may not be lost sheep, but German's family are all lost sheep. I take for granted that I have eternity to be with my family, even if the here and now is somewhat silent. German does not have that assurance. And in reality, it is his brother that lingers and hovers and waits for a word of encouragement from us. He says he wants nothing to do with God, but is it true? Often I think what he really means is he wants nothing to do with the church. Are we living our lives where he sees that God and the church are not necessarily one in the same (another soap box for another day)? Do I really love my brother-in-law in a way that would draw him to Jesus? How can I show that with an ocean between us? So many questions, left at the throne of grace. But between Tami's and Ann's blessings of words this week, I'm more determined to love and to watch for lingering and to allow God to work.

Who lingers in your life? How do you need to reach out? Who is the lost sheep in your life He is calling you to love?

Blessings to each of you!


One other thing....if you are so inclined please pray for J&J, friends who left yesterday afternoon to live and work in Afghanistan with a Christian Service organization. They go as a family with their 2 year old daughter and their 4 week old daughter. And they go in such peace and faith as God leads. Pray for their safety and for their quick settling and adjusting to their new home. And please pray for their parents who have sent them with blessings and God's peace, but whose hearts must be heavy with concern and sadness. Bless you for praying!

IOW---Where is Your Priority?

"The worth and excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love."
Henry Scougal (The Life of God in the Soul of Man ), quoted by John Piper in The Pleasures of God

If I were to ask someone what my passions were, based upon how they see me living my life, I believe they would say: family, needle arts and teaching the Bible (in that order). Those are the things that take up most of my time and bring me the most joy. God has convicted me this year of the order of my apparent priorities, and I am working at being more diligent about Bible Study and teaching and allowing hobbies to follow after that. Because where we spend our time, tells so much about us.

I hear people often say, "I'd never have enough time to do *x*" I like to answer, "do you find time to go out with friends? How about watch the telly?" I used to think I didn't have time to read, until I figured out how much time I wasted watching things that didn't matter to me on the television. I used to think that there was not enough time to take the walk with the girls, or just play in the back garden, until I learned that my hobbies and even housework could be left for those precious times. What we spend our time doing, tells the story of our priorities.

I look at it this way: If the object of my deep love is my children, what does it say to them when I say "I can't play I'm dusting, or vacuuming or mopping?" It says to their child-sized ability to discern "cleaning house is more important than us." So I'm learning to say, "I'll put this in the washing machine and we'll play a game or read a book." I'm learning that vacuuming can be done when they are resting, or playing alone after I've given them the one-on-one they need. My love for my children takes precedence. I can see it in their eyes and body language when it is not. I don't want to be a "too busy" mom. So I alter my behavior to show them that they are the object of my love.

In the very same way, if the object of my deepest love is God, am I showing that to Him (and those around me) by how I act? Do I prioritize Bible Study and quiet time over chores or *gasp* blogging? Am I constantly saying to Him, "let me finish this project then I'll get to You?" Too often, I am. I make the time for the things that are important to me--and I need to be making more time for Him.

The things I delight in determine how my life is viewed. Being a hard worker, caring for my home, making beautiful stitched pieces, baking lovely desserts are all things that I enjoy. But I want, when people look at my life and describe it, for them to say "She loved God passionately...and she cared and loved her family with all her heart." Those are legacies worth leaving.

In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care. Turn away from godless chatter and the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge.
1 Timothy 6:18-19

O God, how I love You! I want my life to reflect that deep love for you. I want the people around me to notice Your love spilling out of my life--and they can only notice it if I am cultivating the relationship. Place within me the deep desires to carve out the time and space for a relationship to grow. I want my little girls to see my love for You. I want them to always feel like the priority in my life, and for them to desire the relationship with You as well. Help to organize my priorities so that they do not fall in behind anything else--not chores, not hobbies, not responsibilities. Organize my life with You as Head, and family as next and then all other things falling into place. Take my life and make it wholly Yours. Amen.

This week's In Other Words is hosted by Laurel Wreath. Please come and be blessed as others discuss this challenging quote.

September Goals & this and that

I can't let the first week of the month totally get away without making some goals. I didn't make any public in August, so none to review. Here they are:

1. Get off to a good start with Kindy Home Ed (start 10 Sept)
2. Get off to agood start with Fall Bible Study (start 14 Sept)
3. Finish binding pinwheel quilt
4. Finish Flower's first quilt and plan her second
5. Get Neighbourhood RR ready to mail
6. Finish T's Blackwork RR (and K's if it comes before the end of the month)
7. Write 3 real letters to friends (more than just quick emails)

This and that:
Remember this? Well, she did contact me! I was so excited. I still don't know what God has planned, but I am convinced that He has orchestrated it.

SBQ:

Would you ever stitch one of your BAPs a second time? (This does not include starting over because of mistakes, bad fabric, etc., rather stitching something from the first stitch for a second time.)

The permalink to this post is:
http://blog.blondelibrarian.net/archives/2007/09/sbq-seconds/

I love all the BAPs (Big Ambitious Projects) that I have completed, but they were each done for a purpose and I really can't see myself stitching them again. I have stitched 2 Stoney Creek Wedding pieces twice for different weddings. Fifteen years ago when I stitched them I would have considered them a BAP, but nowdays I'd call them a medium-sized project. Oh, how our perspective changes, lol.

I AM, Lesson 14, He Brought Us Out to Bring Us In

It's time for another installment of the I AM Bible Study! I can't believe how far we have come and there are only two more after this. Lisa has done a wonderful job opening up the Word to us. This week's lesson is based upon Exodus 6:6-8, Exodus 15:13 and Deuteronomy 6:23. Here are the Burning questions:

1. We talked of the importance of encouragement when God has called us to task. Has a lack of encouragement or even ridicule ever taken you back to a place of insufficiency you thought you had conquered?

I can't think of a specific incident that has taken me back to a place of insufficiency. But I do know that when I am teaching, several weeks of non-encouragement puts me in a place where it is just harder to get it done.

2. Is there someone you know right now who is attempting a new ministry that could use a world of encouragement from you? Why do you think this thing may be scary for her? Will you commit to write a note, make a call, or send an email with a dose of courage inside?

I learned this week that a family friend is taking a 2 year assignment with SIM to go to Peru. Since he will be encountering a new country, new culture, new language, new climate, new everything, I'm sure that will be rather daunting. He obligingly set up a blog, so I've been able to comment and encourage him through that. I will be looking for other ways to encourage as well.

3. Read Moses' song in Exodus 15:3-18. What line speaks to you most? Why does it touch you?

Verse 11 "Who among the gods is like you?" The world we live in is so filled with other gods claiming to be the answer, and some dear people around me are buying those lies. This verse is such a reassurance that God is God and the little gods are powerless.

4. Based on the applications of living either inside or outside the Promise, where would you now say you currently reside? (As I read your answers, if this one point seems to have been confusing, I'll elaborate in a separate post. Again remember I am asking this question in terms of abundant living and not in determining salvation.;))

Inside the promise.

5. If you are 'Somewhere in the Middle' between the girl you were and the one you want to be, how do you plan on changing that? Is there a barrier you feel you can't climb? Knowing God is for you and this study group is for you, is there a way we can help?

I think the path of discipleship will always have me somewhere in the middle of where I was and where I'm going to be. Because every time I reach one destination, God shows me a further goal to develop my trust and relationship with Him. As I've said before, I love that the journey is never stagnant--calm sometimes, frantic others, but always moving and growing in grace. I don't have specific barriers I need to climb. Just need to keep persevering in the Lord.

Blessings to you for reading. I pray you were encouraged.

Having Faith or Living Faith

There are two people in my sphere of regular contact who have very different life and religious views from me. In fact, their beliefs are as counter-Christianity as beliefs could possibly be. I was musing the other night that I am absolutely able to visit with one of them, and the other makes me soooo uncomfortable. When pushed as to why that was the case, this was the answer that came to me: because the first person holds those beliefs in her life and the second person has the beliefs as her life. With the first person, although I know her life view, her religious beliefs almost never come up. The second person lives it, breathes it and you cannot know her without knowing her belief system.

The revelation chilled me. I wonder how they would describe me? Do they see me as someone who believes in Jesus, but has a life outside that? Or, do they see me as someone whose belief in Jesus is my life? I am ashamed to say, that most likely the first person sees me as someone who believes but that is it. I cannot think that she would be comfortable with me at all if Jesus was the main thing/only thing seen in my life. It would make her uncomfortable. It should make her uncomfortable. (I think perhaps I am a better witness with the second person because her beliefs are so vocal I feel I am able to be vocal as well. How sad is that?)

The problem is, I really like this first person even if her belief system is opposed to mine. Because I like her, I hurt for her because I know that she will not find the peace or comfort or joy that she is looking for in her life until she finds Truth. And, I pray for her to find Truth. But I, apparently, don't live my life in such a way as to intrigue her about my faith. I don't make her bristle. I don't make her uncomfortable. And I need to. Furthermore, I have allowed myself to be comfortable with her. I shouldn't be. The untruths that she bases her life on (however shallowly) should make me bristle. I want to live my faith in such a way that Jesus is totally uncomfortable in me when I encounter lies. I want to love the unbeliever, but not necessarily make camp with them. I need to find the balance.

How about you? Do you have faith or live faith? How do you find the balance? Maybe we can make this journey together.

Father, God, thank you for revealing the complacencies in my life. Thank you for drawing away the veil of rationalization and helping me to see that just saying I believe something will not lead my friends or acquaintences to You. Help me to live the faith that I put my trust in. I want You to be alive in me. I want to feel Your discomfort when lies are told. I want to be Your light shining in the darkness. Forgive me for compromising. Please do not allow the compromises I have made forever be a stumbling block to my friends. I want them to see You in my every word and deed. Thank you for loving them more than I can and desiring for them to know you as well. Oh, God, break the strongholds of darkness in their lives and if I may, let me be a vessel You use to heal them. Amen.

photo from morguefile.com artist= Richard_b

IOW--The difficult path of prayer

"Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched. Why would you really want to do that?"

~ Henri Nouwen ~

Why would you/I really want to do that?

I think as women we often find ourselves feeling misunderstood. Our kids don't understand that the things we ask them to do are for their own good. Our husbands don't understand how much work goes into keeping a home peaceful and running smoothly. Our bosses (if we have them) don't understand our divided loyalties between career and home. Our childless friends don't understand how we could prioritize a child over a night out. Our unmarried friends (if we are married) don't understand that our husbands must come first in planning our time and our married friends (if we are unmarried) don't understand how much we would love to have time with them (since we don't have a husband to go home to for intimacy or conversation). Much of our life is about feeling misunderstood.

(Please note, I said feeling misunderstood. Often the people around us do understand, we just don't give them credit).

So why do I risk a prayer relationship? Why would I do that hard work? Because I want to be understood. And God understands me more than any of the people in my life have a chance to understand me. He, alone, created me. He knows my inmost thoughts. He knows my dreams even before I know them. He knows me. And I want to be known.

So, I take my Bible and I carve out a bit of my day that is for Him alone. I fight for a few minutes without the demands of motherhood and being a wife, a friend, a teacher. I seek Him out. I sit. I open His word. And I ask Him to speak to me, because He knows the status of my heart. As He shows me the darkness I would rather not admit is there I have two choices--ignore it (only to have Him remind me another day) or give it to Him to refine. As He shows me the blessings in my life, I can rejoice. I can tell Him my dreams, because He placed those dreams in my heart. I can show Him the darkness because His light can eradicate it from my life. He already sees me, and He chooses to commune with me. I can trust in that. I can rest in that.

I choose the difficult path because He knows me.

He knows me and He loves me anyway.

So I choose Him.

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:1-6

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." Colossians 4:2

Our hostess for In Other Words this week is Christine at Fruit in Season. Please join us there for others' interpretation or meditations on this quote.