In Other Words---A Gentle Admonishment

"Gentleness is part of being feminine - part of being a woman, and God made us distinctly different from men on purpose!"
~ Melanie Chitwood ~

A few years ago, I had an opportunity to speak into the life of a friend who was finding it difficult to submit to her husband in terms of where his job was going to move them. I remember it vividly. I wrote out my concerns and backed it up with a few verses. Just before I hit send on the email, I called her on the phone. I said that she was about to receive an email from me, but she needed to know something before she read it--I was not operating in the gifts of mercy but in the gifts of prophecy, so please accept it in the spirit it was sent and not focus on it being harsh. She laughed, because we had often talked about why couldn't our gifts of prophecy be coupled with mercy. A couple of days later she called and told me that (husband) says thank you. That was the last time we were really able to talk about marriage (either of our marriages). Not the last time that a word was needed, but the last time a word from me would be heard. Why? Because it was harsh. And we, especially we women, know the absolute need for gentleness. Her husband found it refreshing, but she found it isolating.

I go back to that situation time and time again in my mind. The event did not end the relationship--in fact we will have lunch together this week. But it did end the depths to which I am allowed to go. And even though I had tried to soften the message, the message was still abrasive. And gentleness is needed. I still operate as a "forth teller, a truth teller, a prophet" in many ways, but now I don't joke about it not being coupled with mercy--I pray for it. Women need to hear the message, but presented in a gentle manner. It is how we are wired. It is how God made us. And we should rejoice in it, not fight against it.

Look how Jesus spoke differently to men and women:
*To Simon the Pharisee he admonishes him for not providing water for his feet, oil for his head and for loving little. To the woman at His feet, he says "your sins are forgiven." (see Luke 7:46-48) Both got the message loud and clear. The theme was the same, the delivery different.
*To the men who *caught* the woman in the act of adultery: "if you have no sin cast the first stone." To the woman, "Neither do I condemn you." (See John 8:1-11) Again, I would say that both groups heard the same truth, presented in a different manner.
And, Jesus did not reserve His gentleness for women only. He understood what the listener needed to hear at the time. He rebuked Peter harshly, He warned Peter solemnly, but He also restored Peter gently. And that is the key to our developing the fruit of the spirit which is gentleness, that we understand when to be gentle and when to be firm. Praise God that He has shown us we can be both!

I once thought that a difficult message had to be presented solemnly and harshly to be heard. But as I get older, I understand that gentleness is a needed ingredient. The old Mary Poppins adage, "a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down" is so true. Our admonishments are heard both in the heart and the ears--and gentleness prepares the heart to hear. I'm now more grateful for that. I am grateful that, as a woman, my voice can be softer and it be considered an asset. I'm thankful that society allows me, even expects me because I'm female, to empathize more. I'm able to reach out and physically touch in ways that men are not allowed (for the men in our lives even placing a hand on a shoulder can be considered agressive in some situations). Gentleness is allowed by society in women. And it gives us a unique opportunity to be heard. May we not squander that opportunity trying to be something we are not.

I led them with cords of human kindness,
with ties of love;
I lifted the yoke from their neck
and bent down to feed them. Hosea 11:4

Father, thank you that you draw me with gentle cords. Thank you that you guide me with soft words. Thank you for speaking to the tenderness of my heart. You love me and protect me as a mother hen cares for her young. And I am grateful. I, too, am grateful that you gift me with gifts that speak the truth into people's lives. Temper the message with grace and mercy and gentleness. Allow me to speak in such a way as to be truly heard. By Your Grace, Amen.

Our hostess this week for In Other Words is Iris at Sting My Heart. Come be blessed by what others are saying!