IOW--The difficult path of prayer

"Praying is no easy matter. It demands a relationship in which you allow someone other than yourself to enter into the very center of your person, to see there what you would rather leave in darkness, and to touch there what you would rather leave untouched. Why would you really want to do that?"

~ Henri Nouwen ~

Why would you/I really want to do that?

I think as women we often find ourselves feeling misunderstood. Our kids don't understand that the things we ask them to do are for their own good. Our husbands don't understand how much work goes into keeping a home peaceful and running smoothly. Our bosses (if we have them) don't understand our divided loyalties between career and home. Our childless friends don't understand how we could prioritize a child over a night out. Our unmarried friends (if we are married) don't understand that our husbands must come first in planning our time and our married friends (if we are unmarried) don't understand how much we would love to have time with them (since we don't have a husband to go home to for intimacy or conversation). Much of our life is about feeling misunderstood.

(Please note, I said feeling misunderstood. Often the people around us do understand, we just don't give them credit).

So why do I risk a prayer relationship? Why would I do that hard work? Because I want to be understood. And God understands me more than any of the people in my life have a chance to understand me. He, alone, created me. He knows my inmost thoughts. He knows my dreams even before I know them. He knows me. And I want to be known.

So, I take my Bible and I carve out a bit of my day that is for Him alone. I fight for a few minutes without the demands of motherhood and being a wife, a friend, a teacher. I seek Him out. I sit. I open His word. And I ask Him to speak to me, because He knows the status of my heart. As He shows me the darkness I would rather not admit is there I have two choices--ignore it (only to have Him remind me another day) or give it to Him to refine. As He shows me the blessings in my life, I can rejoice. I can tell Him my dreams, because He placed those dreams in my heart. I can show Him the darkness because His light can eradicate it from my life. He already sees me, and He chooses to commune with me. I can trust in that. I can rest in that.

I choose the difficult path because He knows me.

He knows me and He loves me anyway.

So I choose Him.

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
Psalm 139:1-6

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." Joshua 24:15

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." Colossians 4:2

Our hostess for In Other Words this week is Christine at Fruit in Season. Please join us there for others' interpretation or meditations on this quote.