Seeking Harmony

I began 2015 by choosing the theme word ‘Harmony.’ It was to be a reminder that, even when waiting for the things where I have prayed and hoped for God to move, that my life needs to be in harmony with his call. Only then does it play out as beautiful music and not cacophonous noise.

Over the last few weeks our church has begun a study of the early church in Acts. Combining those lessons with the lessons of my small group over the summer as we looked at ‘Respectable Sins,’ I have been reminded of the utmost importance of keeping our inner belief system and our outer actions in harmony. What we do is, truly, more important than what we say.

“For each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thorn bushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush.  The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks."   Luke 6:44-46

I would love to sit here and type that what my heart says it believes is always in harmony with the actions that follow. But, I would be lying. I can say that I serve a God of immense patience (Ex 34:6) and who has saved me from an impatient spirit. Yet, I still find myself losing it with the pre-schooler who needs to be told twelve times to put on his shoes. I can truly believe that beauty comes from an understanding of my place as God’s creation, and still attempt to use charm to get my way (Prov 31:30). I can voice a demand for justice for the poor, and walk passed the beggar on the street without even seeing him. My inner compass says that everyone needs to hear the gospel, but my outer actions do not always tell even my closest friends. Harmony? Not so much.

My grandfather would define integrity as “action and words being lined up.” So in many ways, integrity equals harmony. I am so grateful that God is using the sermons and Bible lessons in my life to draw me more in line. The more we seek to live in harmony with God, the more we will see where we miss the mark. That is one of the characteristics of discipleship—it continues to show us where we fall short. I’m thankful for the reminders. It illumines the path to make it easier to find my way. Maybe, today, you needed the reminder as well.

Father thank you when you show me where I fall short of living in harmony with you. Help me to always be willing to hear your conviction and adjust my life to be in harmony with yours. Amen.

Who You Going to Copy?

My grandfather was a man of great integrity. He was the type who could seal deals with a handshake and no one would question his sincerity. He was also a man who had very little good to say about the church. He refused to associate with "those hypocrites" or anything they believed. Even from a young age I would argue that "they" would have to answer for themselves, but that was no reason to abandon the church. There is truth in that. But I've also grown to understand that there is also truth in being careful of whom we associate.  Recently I heard a sermon on the letter of 3 John.  I am not sure I have ever heard a sermon on this passage before. If I have, I must have only half-paid attention. But on that Sunday, it struck chords deep in my soul. Don't imitate the evil of Diotrephes, but be like Demetrius. We must be careful of our associations.

 I wrote to the church, but Diotrephes, who loves to be first, will not welcome us. So when I come, I will call attention to what he is doing, spreading malicious nonsense about us. Not satisfied with that, he even refuses to welcome other believers. He also stops those who want to do so and puts them out of the church.
Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.  Demetrius is well spoken of by everyone—and even by the truth itself. We also speak well of him, and you know that our testimony is true.   3 John 9-12

There is a person on the outskirts of my life who I have greatly admired for the Biblical knowledge that she has. At times, I have even been a little intimidated by that knowledge. But alongside that admiration and intimidation, I have also felt that inner warning that all is not right. I even know what is not right. There is one (at least one) area of belief that this person holds that is totally outside my understanding and conviction of the Bible's teaching on the church. And, honestly, it is a pretty foundational piece of doctrinal difference. I have tried to overlook that difference, because there is so much that is good in this person's belief and life. Don't hear me wrong, she is not a Diotrephes. She is not malicious in her beliefs and she does not overtly try to exclude others. But she is vocal and it can be divisive. I have tried to justify that "this is just an area to disagree and that we will both be held accountable for our beliefs" whilst at the same time attempting to emulate other parts of her life. But this passage has challenged me. I must be careful about who I copy. And if there is something that I am so glaringly convicted within the actions of a 'heroine' maybe I shouldn't be holding that person up to imitation.


Character and doctrine matter. I often tell the girls to be careful who they choose as friends and role models. Who they are associating with will, in large part, determine choices they make in the future. If it is a good teaching for my girls, it is probably also a good teaching for me. Who am I emulating? Do they lead me to be more like Jesus? Or are they causing a division in my spirit? I need to choose to emulate the Demetriuses of this world and not the Diotrephes.


Dear Father, thank you for the wonderful friends and role models that you have given me to help me along this path of discipleship. Help me to make wise choices in who I copy. Help me to have wise discernment when something in someone's life doesn't feel right for me. And Lord, help me to be a Demetrius for those around me. Convict me if there are things in my life that could lead people away from you. For your glory........Amen

Holiness Stuff

Jewel and I are studying the Middle Ages.  We were discussing the rise of monasteries and how they were crucial to the development of books (especially written Scripture).  One of the questions that the text asked was, "Would you have wanted to live in a monastery?" I was expecting a negative answer, especially in light of the fact that this is my child that loves sleep more than anything. She could never have managed a 4AM prayer call. But I wasn't expecting,

"No, I don't like all that Holiness stuff."

She quickly added, "I like God and all but all that other stuff--praying at certain times and giving up so much, that's not what I want."

I smiled at the "giving up so much." And yet...

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul? Or what can anyone give in exchange for their soul? If anyone is ashamed of me and my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his Father’s glory with the holy angels.”
Mark 8:34-38

In a recent training session at church we were challenged that our job was to 'make disciples that make disciples.' The trainer asked why we are hesitant to say upfront to someone who is exploring Jesus' call that part of discipleship is to in turn tell others and help them become more like Jesus. It seems that we mostly focus on the 'getting saved' bit and not on the 'following' bit. The discussion that ensued was about wanting people to stay and if it sounds hard maybe they won't, that we ourselves don't necessarily spend enough time considering the cost of discipleship and that we don't want to make the gospel sound work-based. All of the discussion was good. I learned much from listening to the others. But I kept hearing Jewel's words, "I don't like all that Holiness stuff." I think, for me, the gist of the matter is that "I don't like all that holiness stuff"--I don't like thinking I have to give up anything to be a follower of Christ. As I wrote on Tuesday, the ungodliness of not even considering God as a part of my day creeps in and consumes.

I'm not talking about 4AM prayer calls, (or 9AM, or noon or 6PM). I'm not talking about regulating and scheduling God. Nor I am saying that it depends on certain works, or a certain translation of the Bible or morning devotion, or telling a specified number of people the 'good news' each week, or any of the other things we might equate to holiness or discipleship. I'm talking about actually living my life, every day, like I am a follower of Jesus Christ. It is about not losing him in the busyness of life. It is about finding godliness by seeking him in every situation. Even when that means missing out on something. But mostly, it is about others being able to look at my life and see that God is at the center and that he does make a difference. It is about being willing to count the cost and accept the cost. I want my life to be totally oriented on God, whenever and however he leads.

I guess I want to "like that holiness stuff." I want to be a disciple. And my prayer is that ultimately that will help those around me also be disciples, who help those around them be disciples.

Father forgive me when I don't want your holiness. Forgive me when the earthliness and humanness of my day cause me to ignore your call to be godly. Help me to seek you first. Help me to be a disciple willing to count the cost. Help me to then influence and encourage others to be your disciples as well. Let me be the center of a spiral of disciples who make disciples who make disciples. Help me be part of loving your people and changing my world for your sake and glory. Amen.


photo taken at Newstead Abbey, April 2014, please do not copy

Left in the Wake

I saw a "joke" this week that went something along the lines of "it's been a good week--I made it to Friday, haven't needed bail money and didn't need to hide any bodies." We all laugh because we have had weeks of just hanging on and not letting our emotions fly--much.  Humour strikes a chord because it hits close to home. Maybe too close to home.


I got to wondering--at the end of that kind of week have we(I) really not left anything to hide?  Have any of my words wounded or slayed those around me, most often my children, leaving souls dying in the wake?  Jesus said,

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’  But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to a brother or sister, ‘Raca,’ is answerable to the court. And anyone who says, ‘You fool!’ will be in danger of the fire of hell."
Matthew 5:21-22

How easy is it by word and action to show our contempt for others, or to make them feel or look like a fool, all for the sake of being right? Leaving souls in the wake of frustration or anger?


Or maybe it is my indifference that leaves the figurative bodies to hide. I am not necessarily speaking of the large-scale issues of our days that can leave us bewildered and unsure of how to help. Those issues can and do great harm, but deserve a more fitting discussion.  No, I'm talking about the local issues that I may not even notice. The homeless man I walk by without even seeing. The lonely neighbour with whom I don't stop and have a short chat, who is desperate for someone to say hello. The hurting teenager that doesn't seem to have anyone to notice she is slipping into depression or harmful behaviour that I could invest some of my time in getting to know. The mom on her own who needs to hear me say that I don't have it all together but I trust Jesus to help me cope, but I don't say it. There is a wake of hurting people left in my hurried life and indifference. And I am too numb to see it?

 For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’“They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’  Matthew 25:42-44 

My small group has been studying Jerry Bridge's book Respectable Sins. One of his premises is that the basis of many of the sins that we justify in our lives (impatience, sinful words, anger, jealousy) are not based in pride but in ungodliness. He defines ungodliness as "living one's everyday life with little or no thought of God, or God's will, or of God's glory, or of one's dependence on God." (p54) How guilty I am of this! I go through my day, with its ups and its downs, and work to solve all my problems in my own strength and ability. It is not that I don't think that God cares or is capable of involving himself in my daily life--I just forget. I forget to involve him. I forget to ask him to step in. I forget to talk to him before I speak sharply words I'll later regret. I forget to see the world as he sees it instead of through my busy tunnel vision. I forget.

I no longer laugh at the joke. I know that there are 'bodies' left behind by my words and deeds. They don't need to be 'hid' but they need to be restored. I need to apologise, and repent of angry words. I need to notice needs. I need to allow God's godliness to direct me. I don't want to be indifferent to the power a small word or deed can hold.

Father forgive me. I forget you. I forget my dependence on you. I forget to give you glory for the things in my life. I take control. And when I take control, I mess things up. I say harsh words that hurt the people I love. I miss opportunities to share you with hurting people. I leave souls maimed behind me and don't even notice. Help me notice. Help me apologize. Forgive my indifference. Amen.

photo uploaded from www.morguefile.com in 2011. Attributed to senaca77

A New Thing

"Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing!

Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the desert

and streams in the wasteland."

~Isaiah 43:18-19~

God Tested Roads

Suddenly, God, your light floods my path,
      God drives out the darkness.
   I smash the bands of marauders,
      I vault the high fences.
   What a God! His road
      stretches straight and smooth.
   Every God-direction is road-tested.
      Everyone who runs toward him
   Makes it.
2 Samuel 22:29-31 (The Message)

When Fear Stalks You

"Don't be afraid of them.

Put your minds on the Master, great and awesome,"

Nehemiah 4:14a

The Message

In Other Words--Eating The Whole Cake

"The Word of God well understood and religiously obeyed is the shortest route to spiritual perfection. And we must not select a few favorite passages to the exclusion of others. Nothing less than a whole Bible can make a whole Christian."

~ A.W. Tozer ~

I think I will bake a cake today. But in perusing the recipe, I am not impressed with the list of ingredients. I think I'll make some changes.
*Eggs aren't that good for you, so I'll just leave them out
*I'm really fond of salt, even if it is unhealthy, so maybe I'll add some extra
*There is so little baking powder in the recipe, it's probably not important so I'll skip that as well
*Flour is so boring. I think I'll stop after 2 cups. 3 cups is too much to measure
*Waiting for 45 minutes before my cake is ready? No way! I want instant results. I'll take it out of the oven after 20 minutes--because that is actually a long time!

What do you think my cake will look like? How will it taste? No binding element of eggs, no leavening element of baking powder, too much salt, not enough bulk of flour, not cooked long enough--it will be a sad mess of a cake with all the wrong flavor. Silly, huh?

But isn't that how we often approach Scripture.
*I really like the Proverbs, so I'll spend all of my time there
*Lamentations is soooo depressing, think I'll skip that
*Those rules in Leviticus, so outdated; no reason to read that part
*Paul is so judgemental to women--I'll skip him too.
*Revelation is too hard to understand, so no reading there either
*A regular, quiet time? Emphasis on the time? I'm too busy...I'll give God 20 minutes and no more

And then we wonder why our lives are a mess!

But Tozer saw a bigger picture. Now before you get caught up in "spiritual perfection" note that Tozer does not use that word as "never doing anything wrong" but in the idea of "perfection = wholeness". We become the people that God created us to be, wholly put together, by spending time in God's Word. But reading it is not enough. We must "religiously obey" it. Again, I don't think that this is about legalism. It is about actively applying the Word to the situations of our life. And we can't pick and choose what parts are the most appealing--God ordained all of Scripture for our use.

Paul says it like this,

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

It's all good! And, it all has a purpose! The more we study it, the more God is able to illuminate our eyes to the purpose. I don't know about you, but I long for spiritual wholeness--to be the woman that God created me to be. I know that it is a life-long process of being. But I'm willing to take the shortest path. And that path involves the hard work of truly studying and seeking to know God. Just like I want my cake to be completely cooked with the right ingredients, I want my life to be flavored with the ingredients of God's Word and brought to fruition in His timing. I guess that means it's time to dust off some of the passages that I tend to pass over because they seem irrelevant or difficult.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates...
~Deuteronomy 11:18-20~

Father, God, you are the God of wholeness and perfection. I long to know you in perfection. Teach me your ways Father. Draw me to the whole of Scripture. Guide my heart to desire to read it all, to know it all. But Father I pray that reading Scripture does not become an academic effort to know. Help me to apply what I read, to obey what I learn. Use my Scripture study to develop me into the person You desire me to be. Amen.

The hostess this week for In Other Words is Debbie at Chocolate and Coffee. Come and be blessed!

Last Things First

Hello! The family and I have returned from our amazing holiday and I am feeling refreshed and can't wait to catch up with you all. My google reader count read 976 this morning! So, it is likely to take me some time to catch up. Be patient with me if I don't comment for a while.

You will probably get thoroughly sick of hearing about the holiday in the next several posts, but right now I'm going to start with Saturday after the holiday. Every year, my wonderful husband gives me the opportunity to go the Northern Women's Convention without children! This year was a true sacrifice on his part since we had only returned at 0230 on Friday. The girls were jet-lagged, not back into a schedule of any kind and grumpy. Plus it was raining, so he couldn't even take them for a bike ride or walk. But he was soooo gracious. And it was greatly appreciated!



The NWC is in its third year and is a gathering of women from across the Northwest of England for teaching and worship. There were 13 of us from our church that went, but the hall itself was packed. There were even a few people sitting on the floor! The worship and the fellowship was amazing. The theme was "Knowing God...through His word and by His Spirit". The sessions were great--reinforcing things that I know in my head but don't always practice in my heart. One of the speaker's was emphasizing that it is in the dialogue of relationship that we get to know someone. She reminded us that the Bible is not the words that God spoke, but instead it is the words that He speaks. Although it is a subtle difference, we must remember that it is a living, breathing word and not a conversation that took place in the past. BUT, we must enter into the dialogue. We must listen, meditate, respond and apply it to our lives or we are not doing our work in the relationship. I needed the reminder. How easy is it to fall into a trap that the Bible is stories of the past? I find this especially true as I spend so much time focusing on the "stories" that the girls can understand and get excited about. But it is so much more than a storybook! It is my very lifeline. It encourages me and it "knocks me flat" (words of the speaker), but it is always leading me to growth. I am praying that this word will breathe a freshness into my quiet times, and that I can find the relationship richer.

The break-out seminar that I attended was about how to teach our kids the Bible. There were some great ideas about how to do family devotional time and how to encourage our children to pray aloud as they get older. The two speakers were quite different. One had 4 teenage boys. The other had two boys and a girl ages 5-11. Different life stages. But they dialogued about what has worked and not worked, and how it has changed as the children grew. It was very encouraging. The thing that I walked away mulling, and continue to mull over, was how to teach grace. She stated that kids, by nature, are very legalistic. Without even intending to, we can often teach our kids that they "earn" God's favor--"God doesn't like it when you...", "It makes God happy for you to...", etc. She said it is so difficult to strike the balance of them understanding that they are sinners and truly believing that God saves us by grace and not by our being good. I know that I often refer to to verses about "pleasing God" to motivate Jewel, and I fear I may be creating a little legalist. It is something I am praying that God will make me aware of and give me wisdom as I seek to grow up young women who will love and serve the Lord.

The final session was on 2 Timothy 3 and that Our Knowing God through the Bible is enough to face the last days. The focus was that Paul told Timothy, the last days are hard and will continue to be hard, but God is faithful. He tells us not to despair, that the foolishness of the false teaching will be revealed but we must be wise to recognize that false teaching is out there. For me, it was in the session that I heard the quote of the day: "The Bible is not a book of rules, but a book of salvation." I forget that. I look for the rules of how to cope in situations. But the intention of the Bible is point us to a saving relationship with God through Christ. The rules of life come out of that relationship.

Father God, I seek to grow in my relationship with you. I want to know your heart--and to know your heart I must interact with your word. Instill in me the desire to read and pray and meditate more. Help me to organize my time and my priorities so that you are first and foremost. Allow me to model a life of devotion to the little girls who will learn more by my actions than my words. Thank you for Godly women who teach and remind us of the things of your heart. Thank you for a husband that recognizes the value of me having time with other Christian women and makes the time available to me. I desire to know You... lead me to Yourself. Amen.

Finding the balance

1 Praise the LORD, O my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
Psalm 103:1-5


The Ladies Bible Study I lead started again last Friday. This autumn we will be reading and discussing Joanna Weaver's Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. The theme God has laid on my heart this year is balance, balance, balance. As I shared with the ladies, God is calling us/me to have balance in our/my life. I need not stop doing the things at home in order to pursue Bible Study, nor do I stop my quiet times to care for family and house. I can't neglect my physical well-being in order to develop my spiritual disciplines. It is all about balance! I'm really looking forward to what God is going to do in our group this year.

Each year, I ask God to lead me to a verse that will be my basis for leading throughout the year. This year, He led me to Psalm 103:1-5. Each of us need to pursue the 5 benefits in our life. We may need physical healing--or we may need to claim that promise for others in our realm of influence. We may need to be freed from a pit of sin or we may need to feel His love and compassion. As we pursue balance this year, I am encouraging my ladies to memorize these five verses and to claim the promises in them. We can only find true balance in allowing God to reign in our lives. How about you? Do you need to claim the promises? Blessings to you as you pursue your own relationship with the Almighty.

photo credit: www.morguefile.com, author=taliesin

I AM---Lesson Seven, Who am I?

Another great week with Lisa's study! Here are my answers to the discussion questions. Please visit here to get the background study as well.



Discussion Questions:

1. How would you answer the questions, "Who Am I?" I really like the words God gave me as I was writing my profile for who I am. I'm a lot of people--but all wrapped up in the title Redeemed Child of The Holy God.



2. Have you ever been in a situation where you felt inadequate because of your lack of a 'tagline'?

At first I struggled to think of a situation. But then God reminded me of one of my first teaching roles in our former church. I was teaching "Decision Making" course that was about counseling folk who came to the church to make membership/salvation/or other decisions. I thought I was ready. I knew my material. I'm a good speaker (at least I think so). Then I saw my class: three deacons and one deacon wife, all 25+ years my elder, all with more experience sharing the Gospel than I would ever hope to achieve. I was intimidated. I felt totally inadequate--and that is probably the favorite class I have ever taught. They were so gracious and teachable and I loved it. The tagline doesn't always matter.



3. Do you have skills or position that you believe God could use mightily if only He would?

Hmmmm...I have skills and experiences that I believe that God is using (teaching, writing, insight from years as a social worker). I have skills that are not currently being called upon. But the 'if only He would' bothers me--who am I to tell Him which skills He should use? I find, often, when I try to tell God how He should use me, He clearly (and painfully) reminds me that I am not Him. More of that trust stuff I've been trying to learn.



4. Have you ever lost a position or station in life you believe could have 'helped God out' with something He has asked you to do? If you haven't lost out, do you perhaps feel you have to gain this in order to be useful to the Kingdom?

I was once on church staff. I was part of the 'inner circle' that influenced so much of what was happening in the church. When we moved, there was a sense of loss for that position because of how I perceived God using me through it. (there was also a sense of relief that I no longer had that kind of responsibility) I realized later that I needed to not be in that position until God had time to dull the sharp edges of pride that I developed in that time. As much as I thought I was 'helping God out' I was probably more of a hindrance. By 'losing' the position and the pride associated with it, I have gained so much more.



5. How are you with your dialogue vs. doubt conversations with God? Which does God hear most from you?

I talk to God pretty much all the time that I am not talking to my kids, husband or another person. I have a steady conversation going on in my head. It does include the doubt conversations, because I think God is perfectly able to handle my doubts. But honestly the conversation is more of a monologue. I am convicted in this study that I need to shut up more often to allow God to speak. Then, and only then, can I call it a dialogue. *sigh*



6. Do you believe God's Wonders become more wonderful if they originate in the ordinary? Any Scripture references come to mind?

I think that wonders are wonderful period. I think we recognize the wonder out of the ordinary more because it is easy to expect extraordinary from extraordinary. When God moves in the unlikely, it is difficult to deny. There were a myriad of Scriptures that came to mind, but my favorite OT story reminds me of God's wonders. In Joshua 11:6-12, Caleb is claiming his mountain that was promised when he was a truthful spy forty-five years before. He tells Joshua, at age 85 he is just as strong as he was at 40 and he is ready to conquer his mountain--and he does. God enables an 85 year old faithful servant to keep the strength of his youth. And the victory was more wonderful because of the unlikelihood. I want to be aware of how God is strengthening me when I am faithfully following His lead.

Craving chocolate and other spiritual truths

I've been craving chocolate the last few days. Not a casual, "gee some chocolate would be nice," but a "if you want something from me and you don't have chocolate you might*as*well*go*away" type craving. It has become a physical as well as psychological need. It isn't really that surprising. I usually have a day or two each month when I crave chocolate, and I usually have some stashed for just those moments. But I've been serious about this lifestyle change of eating better and haven not kept chocolate in the house for three months (I know some of you are gasping). And this month it is driving me crazy, but I'm going to resist temptation [note to self--keep reminding yourself of the 28 pounds you have lost and fight the craving].

In all seriousness, it has made me think about why we crave certain things. According to dictionary.com to crave means to:

crave /kreɪv/ –verb (used with object)
1.to long for; want greatly; desire eagerly: to crave sweets; to crave affection.
2.to require; need: a problem craving prompt attention.
3.to ask earnestly for (something); beg for.
4.to ask (a person) earnestly for something or to do something. –verb (used without object)
5.to beg or plead (usually fol. by for).

—Synonyms 1. yearn for, hunger for.
Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1)Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006.

With the exception of some really weird pregnancy cravings you sometimes read about, I don't hear of people craving something they have never tasted. My daughters never asked for chocolate until they were given their first taste. I don't go around thinking, "wow I'd like to have some kim chee (Korean fermented cabbage that I have managed to never try) today" because I have never eaten it. I have, however, seen German get very excited to see it on a Vietnamese menu--he loves the stuff after working in South Korea. My point is, we generally need to develop a taste for something before our body tells us we really need/want greatly to eat more of it. The evolution is first taste to liking the flavor to eating some more to almost being able to taste it before we eat it.

Admit it, you are smiling because you know exactly what I'm talking about. Whether it is chocolate or something else, we have all been there. But you are thinking, "what difference does it make?" Well I made the leap, as my weird mind often does, to another thing that I am craving--more and deeper Bible Study. I am at a point in my walk, in this season of my life, where I just want to know more. I'd like nothing more than to lock myself away and just study. Of course that is impossible with two little ones, but I find myself searching for extra time for "a few more minutes." I'm not reading anything except study materials and my Bible--why waste the time on a novel when I can have the Word. I look at my stitching and think, another time. Computer time has been seriously cut back. Chatting online--nonexistent. I am at a stage where "if you want something from me and you aren't bringing a piece of the Word you*might*as*well*forget*it". And it is a great and exhilarating place to be. And as much as I pray that I will always crave the Word like this, I know that the craving will ebb and flow--but hopefully the habit will be established before the craving subsides.

Since this craving is so real to me, I am a little taken aback that not everyone shares it. I was chatting with a friend the other day about wanting deeper studies than our church is currently offering. She made the comment that if she wanted it and I wanted it, weren't the others wanting it as well. And we discussed why so many people don't want to invest themselves into a deeper study. But in my thoughts about craving, I think I may have part of the answer--they don't want it because they haven't tasted it. So many Christians have never undergone serious study on their own, so they don't know what they are missing. They believe that they get the Bible teaching they need from the sermon on Sunday morning and maybe a quick devotional reading each day (and please don't get me wrong, those are great and important tools in our walk with God). But they have never undertaken a serious study of what the words, the contexts, the content and the application of the Word of God means for them. So when I say "I want more" they look at me blankly--what does more mean when you have never tasted it?

Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. 1 Corinthians 3:1-2

Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. 1 Peter 2:2-3

I've seen this at work in the Ladies Bible Study I lead on Friday mornings. We had been doing a study of a thematic topic and just discussing Scripture and application to our lives (friendship, fellowship, trust, etc). Each person could invest a lot of time thinking and researching the topic or just come and learn. But for the last 6 weeks, we have been studying Beth Moore's "The Patriarchs". And any of you who have done her studies know they involve lots of homework and lots of Scripture reading. Comments I'm beginning to hear is "why haven't I done this before?" "wow this is so great, I can't wait to do my daily study" "have you thought what we are going to do next, I don't want to stop". YES! They tasted it and they want more! How exciting. I've always known that my heart was for discipleship--helping to mentor and shape a person who has made a decision into a disciple of Christ. Helping new believers (and even stale believers) find the tools for a vibrant life in Christ. I think God is defining that for me even more. I want people to taste the Lord and know that He is good. I want to help them crave His Word. I want to teach them how to study the Bible so it becomes alive to them. I'm excited about what God is doing in my life and in the lives of the ladies in my group. I'm praying it continues.

As I seek to help people crave the Word, I wonder what has been a turning point for you to want more study? What was your signpost? What did you taste that you couldn't wait to get more of it? I'm preparing for the next study and any direction you could give me would be welcomed thankfully.

And I think I've found the cure for my chocolate craving. Think I'll go read some more. Blessings to you all.

I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!
I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path. Psalm 119:102-104

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Matthew 5:6

photo credit: morguefile.com artist=rosevita

I AM---Lesson 5 "I Was"

1. Have you ever found yourself 'in faith' yet bewildered or demoralized?

Yes. After miscarriage number two (at 14 weeks) I was totally 'in faith' that we would be or have the family that God intended. But I was still heartbroken, bewildered and confused why we were unable to have "this" child. It was compounded by the whys. The baby was trisomy-21 and the doctor said it just didn't make it. The week we learned the "why", friends at church had a beautiful little girl--trisomy21. I could not understand why ours didn't make it and theirs did. I still don't understand the why, but God did give us the family He intended.

2. Do you consider yourself content? Would you describe it as Decidedly Content or Dreamily Content?

I am content. I am dreamily content in that I love watching German with the girls and get that "how can I be so lucky" feeling. I walk through my house and review my life and am just amazed at how much God has blessed me. But I am also decidedly content. I choose to be happy wherever God (and the job) lead us, with the things that we are able to do, and the current situations. I could spend my life saying "what if" but that would be so much of a waste.

3. If you are not content, are there circumstances that keep you from this feeling?
I was tempted to just say "not applicable" but then I realized that a situation arose yesterday that I am unsettled and discontent over. I need to spend some time with God choosing to be content in it, even if it is decidedly going to a place that is NLIP.

4. Have you ever found yourself in a place where you looked back on a period of your Christian walk and believed a great opportunity passed you by?
Honestly, no. I look back and think "I could have done that better" or "I could have spoken sooner" or something along those lines. But I don't see "great opportunities" that pass me by. I try to keep the perspective that everything in the past shapes me to who I am in the present.

5. Do you ever believe your faith was stronger in an earlier time in your Christianity and find yourself floundering now?
I believe that I am in a great period of growing in and trusting God. I think my faith has changed over the years--become less childlike and more adult, more of a deliberate choice, more foundational. Yes, it has ebbed and flowed with life, but always seems stronger for the experience. Sometimes I am nostalgic for the "just loving and believing in God" faith I had as a child, but I really appreciate the faith I have now that is based up seeing God's faithfulness and believing Him no matter what.

6. Can you recognize that this season may be one of great preparation instead of a period of "I Was"?
I believe each season of our life is preparing and growing us for the next. It is in looking back to the periods of "I Was" I can see what God has kept me from being. I don't have to dwell on "I Was" (infertile, miscarriage, unbalanced in school/work/church life, disobedient, prideful or whatever) because God has brought me through those times (and continues to bring me through) to be the mentor and minister I am today. And He will take these times in my life, good and bad, to make me an even greater mentor and minister for the future. That is the glory of it---a life in Christ is never stagnant. Hallelujah!

I AM Bible Study

Lisa at The Preacher's Wife has started leading an awesome Bible Study via her blog. I got a late start, since I was on holiday. I originally thought that I would just print it and do it later. But the comments and the posts regarding it have been so great, I found that I couldn't wait. So here is a very long catch-up post to do the three lessons that have been posted so far. It's (obviously) not to late to start. If you'd like to join in go here for the intro or click the button above.

Lesson One: I AM your Beauty

Are there circumstances or relationships in your life where you can see God has intentionally placed you to be a light for them?
The simple answer is yes. There are women He has given me to mentor. There is a lady who I spend time with who is in a difficult place of decision making. The decisions are similar to ones we made a year ago and I know it is a God-incidence that we are together.

Can you honestly describe yourself as a woman with a "yes" in her spirit?
I am a woman who desires to have a "yes-Spirit." I do not always follow through with the desire, but I am growing in that area. Sometimes I still ask for details or confirmation before saying yes, and I know that is an area where I need work. I need to trust enough to say yes and allow Him to confirm the details in His timing.

Are you in an emotionally and spiritually healthy place today? yes
If so, what will you do with your series of unrecurring events? Will you continue to ask for Spiritual eyes to see opportunities to defend a weaker sister?
I'll continue to mentor, to teach ladies Bible Study, to stand in the gap with my accountability partner and for a friend who struggles with her faith, and I'll continue to seek His face regarding a friend who has fallen away as a prodigal, praying that I can be light to her again someday.

Lesson Two: Beautiful to God
What is your initial response when anyone suggests you are beautiful?
I was always the "smart" cousin not the "beautiful" one (I had two who competed for that role). So my initial response is disbelief. Told enough times as a child that you are plain, you begin to believe it. Although I am coming to a recognition of beauty in Christ, I'm still uncomfortable if a tangible person says it.

Do you find you engage in a lot of negative self-talk? How much of your thought life does this form of thinking consume?
I don't do much negative self-talk anymore. Once upon a time my life was consumed with it. Now I would say it would be way less than 10% of my thoughts, and most of those would be fleeting negative thoughts not dwell-upon-them thoughts.

Has it ever occurred to you that you are a City Girl? How do you plan to use this knowledge?
I love this thought. My whole life, this farm-girl knew I belonged in the City. My mother would say I was a city girl trapped on the farm from the time I was little. There was a need for me to interact with people differently than I could "in the middle of nowhere". As I've grown I have realized that it was not a geographical need, it was spiritual. I started seeking a community of accountability and believers at a young age. This illustration just brings my inner feelings into articulation! How do I plan to use the knowledge? First to realize that I am not out of step with everyone else, I'm in step with God. Second, to trust that He will lead me to be with the people who need to see "something different." And third, to constantly and deliberately allow God to make me someone who will attract others to Him.

In what ways has your views of Godly beauty changed as a result of these Scriptures?
Reinforces my need to look on the inner and not the outer package.

Lesson Three: When Life Doesn't Work Out Like You Planned, part 1
It was stated in the lesson that God has made you "once, twice, three times a lady." Where are you in this progression? Obviously we have all been physically born, but are you 'twice a lady'? Have you been born again spiritually? This may be a private matter you'd like to discuss confidentially...If you have already received this gift, write a brief prayer of thanksgiving or testimony.
When I was seven I knew that I wanted to go to heaven with Jesus and because of the bad things I had done, the only way I could go was through Him. I made a decision based on the best I could understand at that age. As a young teen, I surrendered more to Jesus as Lord and not just Savior. I believe that decision at a young age protected me from so much that friends struggled with as well as prepared me for the ministries that were to come. (If you would like to know more, email me through my profile, I'm trying to keep it brief.)

Are you three times a lady? Has God given you a stirring deep within your Spirit to be a 'deliverer'? Do you have a desire or are you already meeting a need in the life of the church, a particular ministry (such as jail ministry, food ministry, etc.) or perhaps individuals who share common issues?
I have a strong desire to see people discipled, drawing people to the depths of God's word and to not be content with just "milk." I do lead a weekly Bible Study to that end, plus have a couple of people in my life that I mentor in that area.

Do you ever get tired of waiting for that opportunity to do something worthwhile for God? do you ever feel God is using someone else instead of you?
No. I don't get tired waiting for opportunity to come. I do have moments where I wish I could do more, and I believe the day will come when I am able to do more in terms of teaching and writing. However right now, my main calling is to grow Godly daughters and I am content to wait on the other while they are little. I am learning to treasure the time that I do have.

What do you consider 'worthwhile ministry'? Are you like me and sometimes find yourself thinking it has to be Big to be Important?
Worthwhile ministry is whatever God calls and enables. I've never equated big with important. When I was a little girl I remember my grandmother taking Sunday afternoons to write notes to those who missed church that day. She would tell us, "it's not much but it shows them they are important." At her funeral, more than one person commented on how much those notes meant to them. I think she instilled in me that God's calling makes the job important, no matter how small.

Have you ever taken a spiritual gifts test? If yes, what are yours?
I've done several spiritual gift inventories over the years. The results consistently indicate teaching, pastor/shepherd, wisdom, and knowledge. Those are consistent with the passions God has given me as well.

In Others' Words--Reading Habits

"Those who read fast reap no more advantage than a bee would by only skimming over the surface of the flower, instead of waiting to penetrate into it, and extract its sweets."
~ Madame Jeanne Guyon ~

I am a quick reader. I always have been. I have been blessed with an ability to comprehend and remember what I read, even when I am reading it at a pace that most people call skimming. One of my earliest memories about reading was in 4th grade. I came home and told my Mom I had a "free hour" so I read Eight Cousins by Louisa Mae Alcott. All 300+ pages. In an hour. My Mom didn't believe me, but upon quizzing me on the book decided I had indeed read it, not skimmed it.

This ability has served me well. It made university reading a breeze. It got me through my graduate school reading with little effort (my social work program required 500 pages of reading per hour of credit--not an easy feat when carrying a 15-18 hour load). And it allows me the luxury of reading for pleasure as an adult when most of my daily reading consists of the "Good Night Moon" level.

But there is some reading that I must slow down as I read. I must take my time reading God's Word, daily. I don't slow down because it is difficult to read (although sometimes that may be true). I slow down because I don't want to miss a detail. I want to relish it, to savor it, to let it totally digest into my being. I want it to change me, and that takes time.

I love the image in this week's quote. Last summer I watched the honey bees in my front garden. They flitted from plant to plant, testing and tasting the surface but not dwelling. Until they got to the lavender plant. The lavender would be covered at any one time by dozens of bees, drinking in the nectar. Taking the sweetness back to their hive to infuse the honey they would make. And lavender honey is some of the loveliest honey I've ever discovered for putting in my tea, so their efforts were worth it. It is the perfect picture of my reading habits. I flit from book to book tasting the surface. But at the Bible I need to dwell and drink it in. The more of the sweetness I drink in, the more of God's building blocks I will have for building my life. And just as the lavender infuses what the bees produce, so the Word of God will infuse my life--but only if I drink it in quantities to change me. I could read the Bible quickly and be able to retell the stories, but it won't change me. Steeping in the stories changes me. Knowing the word of God (Bible) helps me reflect the Word of God (Jesus). And that is the change I pray is made in my life.

I have not departed from your laws,
for you yourself have taught me.

How sweet are your words to my taste,
sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I gain understanding from your precepts;
therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp to my feet
and a light for my path.
I have taken an oath and confirmed it,
that I will follow your righteous laws.
Psalm 119:102-105

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. John 1:1-2

Follow this link to Laurel Wreath to read more.

photo credit: from www.morguefile.com author="ladyheart"