In Other Words--Time in the Desert Place

I know that I'm a day late for Tuesday's In Other Words, but I made it! Actually Monday was a holiday here in the UK, so in essence yesterday was Monday and today is Tuesday. At least that it how it feels since yesterday I was doing all of Monday's chores in addition to trying to cram 5 days of school planning into a 4 day week. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. Hosea 2:14

For a long time I missed the point of the desert place in terms of spiritual growth. I thought that it was a place that I had landed myself in due to sin and rebellion and thus saw the desert as a negative, punitive state. True, there are spiritual droughts that come as a result of sin. But I am beginning to learn that those are different from the desert.


The desert is a place where God draws us to be alone with Him. It is a place of no distraction. A place of focus. And, although a desert place can be very difficult to traverse, it is not a place of punishment. God says to Hosea he will "allure" and "lead" his people. Those are not words of punishment, but of tenderness.

Matthew 4:1 tells us:

"Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert."

Before Jesus encountered the tempter, however, he had 40 days of fasting and praying. In other words, he had time of communion with His Father, then the lesson time came. I think the same is true for us. When God leads us into a desert place He wants us to spend time with Him. Yes, the lessons come, but the worship time is sweet.

I no longer look at the desert as a negative. I find the joy that if God is calling me to it, then He is there with me. And there is a definite allure to that!

Father, help me to seek the beauty in the desert when you call me to come. Help me not to see the barren land, but he life you give. I want to follow your leading. In the name of the One who sustains me in the desert, Jesus, Amen.

Heather at Titus 2 Woman is the hostess for this week's In Other Words. I am sure you will be blessed by what others have written.

Marriage Monday--"It's Not a Dating Service" or "I'm Single by Calling and Choice"

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This month's topic for Marriage Monday is "The Crazy Way We Met".

German's and my meeting was actually pretty normal, but our progress to a life together did have some "crazy" turns here and there.

I moved to Washington after finishing my graduate degree. I had never lived in the Northwest, but I was young, single and had no commitments other than my cat, so it was as good a time to make a huge journey as any. And, there was a nursing home out there crazy enough to offer me the social work job. It was a match seemingly made in heaven. After a year, I realized the job really wasn't for me, but the town of Spokane was. I met with my pastor and we dreamed of starting a single's ministry that would encompass several churches in the area. There was one stipulation to beginning the ministry--it was to minister to spiritual needs, I was not interested in running a dating service. I went home to Texas to spend some time with my grandmother who was ill and weak and to raise some support. Two months later, I would return to Spokane to find a part time job and start half-time at the church.

While I was in Texas, German was transferred by his job from Montgomery Alabama to Spokane. He started attending my church. My first Wednesday night back in town, I can remember sitting on the floor with the pastor, German (who I just met) and a friend/mentor praying for the things that would happen in the ministry over the next few months. Little did I know....

German was instrumental in actually getting the ministry off the ground. He offered his computer skills to put together my slides and presentations. He was a huge encouragement and was fast becoming a good friend. Our pastor and that friend/mentor mentioned earlier took every opportunity to have us do things with their families together. We were pretty oblivious to the matchmaking. We each had some major things that had happened in our lives in the previous year and we were largely just getting our feet back under us.

We had our first kick-off single's conference in early October. It was on the topic of Preparing for the Holidays or other Major Days Alone. I made the statement that I was single "by calling and by choice." I had never really seen myself as getting married or being in a serious relationship, so I was totally content as a single. German now says that although he "wasn't called to be single" he "got the message" and understood that it was "hands off." I was still oblivious.

Through the next couple of months we became closer friends. We would often go out to eat after church rather than be alone. We prayed together, laughed together and played together. We never considered dating. Then, at the church Thanksgiving dinner I happened upon two friends having a "I think they are/I don't think they are" conversation. As I walked up, Ruth said "let's just ask her. Are you and German dating?" I laughed. I assured her we were just friends and couldn't believe anyone would think we were dating. German and I had a good laugh later that evening.

Then came Thanksgiving day. We spent the day with our pastor and his in-laws. German and I took a walk and talked about the things we wanted in our life. I got home and I wrote a long letter to him, that I never expected him to see, that basically said I had fallen totally in love with him and I hadn't seen it coming. Unknown to me, he also was writing a letter that said the same thing. (but that gets ahead of the story). Christmas came and he went to St. Louis for two weeks. I wasn't planning to go home. We talked on the phone every night for 2-3 hours. (Remember we aren't dating!) He made arrangements to come home a few days early (but didn't tell me). My grandmother died New Year's Eve and I left for Texas, as he came back to Spokane. When I got back he collected me at the airport and we spent the day eagle watching at Lake Coeur d'Alene. We now call that our first date. The next day, I took a chance and read him the letter I wrote. Then he took out the letter he had been writing and adding to since Thanksgiving. We decided that we wanted to get married the next Thanksgiving since it was only appropriate.

With a wedding date set in our minds, but not known to anyone else, we felt it was only fitting to "date." German kept saying, "we aren't engaged until you have a ring." He promised I would have a ring before I met his family in July. Memorial Day in Montana mountains (where we spent that Thanksgiving) came and went, no ring. My birthday came and went, no ring. I decided I wasn't getting a ring before we left in 3 weeks. Then one Sunday afternoon (Father's Day 1995), he said let's go for a drive. We drove to the top of Mount Spokane. He proposed and I was totally surprised--I never saw it coming. He had been waiting for the road to the top of the mountain to open. It was the latest opening in years, which is why I hadn't got a ring earlier. But it was perfect.

We finally told people we were planning a Thanksgiving wedding. When I called my dad and said I'm getting married he said, "you're getting what?" My family also never expected me to get married. But God had different plans. We will be married 13 years this November.

And, by the way, we were the only ones in the Singles group to get married. That is something those who were familiar with our "not a dating service" policy take delight in reminding me. God's dating service is always the best.

In Other Words--An Unhappy Mother

"I don't want to be that mother!" she blurted out.

Her surprised friend gently asked, "What mother?"

"The mother whose children have to tiptoe around her because they don't know if today is a crying day or an angry day."

"Isn't that a good enough reason to get help?"

And it was. The friends were discussing some depression that one of them was experiencing. Having grown up in a bipolar home, depression scared her. Her own mother would spend days locked in her room crying. Then there would be days that were "normal" by most people's definitions. But even those days were punctuated by a short-temper and angry outbursts. She didn't want her children to remember her the way she remembered her mother.

"'If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!'
We smile as we read the wall plaque in the novelty store. But our smile quickly turns to a frown if truly "Mama ain't happy." This is because the wife and mother in a family often "sets the tone" in the home. The "tone" God wants her to set is one of joy, optimism, and a delight in the Lord and in her family. If your family were called upon to describe you, what would they say?"
~Martha Peace, "The Excellent Wife"

The mother sets the tone of the house. But what if the reason that "mama ain't happy" is more physical than a choice? Then it is a good reason to get help. In fact, it is more than a reason, it is a necessity. If this is you, please choose to get help. Go to the Great Physician with your concerns. But also, please, see your local physician for help.

On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Matthew 9:12-13

Christin at As Gold Refined is our hostess for In Other Words this week. Visit and be blessed.

IOW--Close Enough to Betray?

To be intimate with others is to reveal our innermost selves to them, including our emotions, thoughts and desires. For such deep sharing of the soul and spirit to occur, people must respect and trust each other. ... In a world controlled by sin, however, to choose to be intimate is to choose to be hurt. Yet Jesus calls us to this kind of intimacy with Him and with one another.
~Kenneth A. Schmidt~

Growing up I was a loner. I didn't really connect with a lot of people. Part of it was extreme shyness (although that is hard to believe now). Part of it was geographic since we lived out of town, on the farm and there were no other little girls my age "running-to-play-with" distance. But mostly, it was fear. I didn't want to find out I didn't fit in, so I didn't try that much. So it came as a huge surprise to me my Freshman year of High School to finally make that kind of friend. He (yes, he) and I were home ec partners and buddies for the first few weeks. He treated me like a little sister. Then, there was a tragic accident that killed two fellow students. He was in the car that the other two had hit. We were suddenly bound together in a real way. We talked about "real" things that most high school students aren't having to talk about yet. We shared our hopes for the futures. We cried together. When things were rough at home (and what teenager doesn't experience rough times at home) we talked about that. We gave each other advice. We laughed together. We cut class together. We criticized each other's choices in dates. We argued. We forgave. Even when we were both away at college and beyond, we would talk on the phone and be the sounding board for the other's frustrations. It was a total friendship--heart, mind and soul. Since he knew more about what made me tick than even I did (must have been the counselor in him) and I knew more about him that most people, we assumed that nothing could change the friendship. It was almost a "You will always be my friend, you know too much" situation.

But something did change it. Slowly it got eroded. Then in a what could have easily been explained but was instead just handled callously situation, he hurt not only my feelings but the feelings of someone close to me. That person, trying to protect me, issued some harsh words to my friend. I was told of the interaction after the fact. I believed firmly that my friend and I would move forward--after all we had been friends for ten years at this point. I trusted in the friendship. And he totally betrayed it. I was devastated. I had given a part of me to someone and after holding it tenderly for years he gave it away, seemingly with little thought.

I was thinking about this friend as I read the quote by Mr. Schmidt. I don't know anything about the context of this quote, but I feel it. The intimacy that comes in relationships make us vulnerable. The world we live in causes us to receive pain from those we love, and to cause pain to those we love. (Sadly, I can tell more than one story where I was the betrayer, not the betrayed. I'm not proud of that fact, but it is the reality of living in a fallen world. We have to admit it when we are the betrayer, ask for forgiveness and try again.) Fourteen years after this story took place, I can still feel the stab of how much it hurt when my friend betrayed. Not a stab of anger or resentment, but a recognition that it happened and it hurt.

Last night, I was privileged to attend a concert by Michael Card at my church. As he sang these words:

Only a friend can betray a friend,
A stranger has nothing to gain.
And only a friend comes close enough
To ever cause so much pain.

I again thought of this quote. Only when we are close and vulnerable can we be betrayed. But as the Schmidt quote continues, ultimately we are not called to this kind of intimacy with just the people around us--we are called to this intimacy with God Himself in Jesus. And although He will never betray us or abandon us, often we feel that stab of pain because we are expecting Him to act one way and instead He acts another or because we have allowed sin to so separate us we feel abandoned. We must remember that He is steadfast in nature and will not betray us. But, we are fickle. We betray Him over and over. And in the intimacy of the relationship, that does bring Him pain. I find that the more I reflect on this theme, the more I find that I need to confess where I betray Him, where I've pained Him. I need to confess the "big" things when I choose blatant rebellion over following His word. I need to confess the other things as well--neglecting my time with Him because I can do it "later", reflecting Him in a way to others (especially my children) that totally misrepresents who He is and denying His unmistakable hold on my life to try and chase things that are not my best.

In my relationship with God, I am never the betrayed but I am often the betrayer. That thought humbles me. It drives me to my knees. And I pray it keeps me there, confessing my fickleness and learning in the intimacy of the Savior to not betray Him or others.

The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you,
for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:9-10

I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread. Psalm 37:25

But I'll never throw them out,
never abandon or disown them.
Do you think I'd withdraw my holy promise?
or take back words I'd already spoken? Psalm 89:33-34 (The Message)

Father, forgive me for betraying you. Forgive me for putting my selfish desires before your plans. Forgive me for ignoring our relationship to chase things that are vaporous at best. I recognize that because You have sought intimacy with me that when I do these things I cause you pain. Forgive me. And in my earthly relationships, help me to forgive when I am betrayed and help me to not betray those who have allowed me close enough to pain them. In Jesus' name, because his sacrifice covers all my sin, Amen.

This week's hostess for In Other Words is Bonnie. Please visit her place and read some of the reflections on this quote. I promise you, you will be blessed.

IOW--Beyond my Expectations

Sunday was Flower's first week to go to "big church" for the first half and then leave for Sunday School. Up until now, she has been downstairs for the whole service in the creche (nursery for US readers). She usually gets whisked downstairs about five minutes before the service starts, which is about 3 minutes before the church fills up, lol.

So Sunday she was looking around, waving at people and chatting away with folks she only ever sees after the service. All of a sudden her eyes grow big and she points up and says, "how'd they get up there?" She was pointing to the balcony, which she had never noticed. I explained that there was a door and showed her where it was. She kept repeating "people are up there." Her church world had been widened. There was a new dimension to a building she thought she knew so well. And it fascinated her. She will never look at it the same again.

Cute. Bordering on adorable.

Consider, then, this interaction that I often have with God. (Maybe you have these interactions as well.)

"Wow, how'd that verse get there?" eyes growing wide.
"It's always been there."
"No seriously, I've never seen that before."
"You've never looked."
"I've read this passage before!"
"I didn't say you hadn't read it, you hadn't looked at it."
"What?!"
"Reading the words and reading My meaning aren't always the same thing."
"I still don't get it."
"You read My Word to get it to conform to your agenda. I want you to read it to conform to Mine."
"Oh....wow," shaking head in amazement and dropping eyes in shame.

And just like Flower, my view is widened. There is yet another dimension to God's work in my life. And I am fascinated. Hopefully, I allow it to change me and I'm never the same again.

Much of our difficulty as seeking Christians stems from our unwillingness to take God as He is and adjust our lives accordingly. We insist upon trying to modify Him and bring Him nearer to our own image.



~ A. W. Tozer ~

Father, today, help me to be willing to modify myself in order to conform to Your agenda. Give me wisdom to differentiate the differences. Widen my view. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Today's In Other Words is hosted by Deborah at Chocolate and Coffee. Please visit there to read other reflections on the Tozer quote.

Marriage--Happiness or Holiness?

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I never planned to get married. I was happy as a single person. I was content in who I was. I was happily involved in ministries that I thought would be hindered by relationships. But God had other plans. And when he brought German into my life (you'll have to wait until next month's Marriage Monday to hear that story), I wasn't so sure that God understood my plans. After all, I was happy and content and leading a successful single's ministry. But God saw the bigger picture.

Within a few months of our getting married, I began to see the bigger picture as well. The only problem was, I was totally unhappy. Miserable in the circumstances would have been a better description. We were still head-over-heels in love, and totally amazed that God had seen fit to allow us to meet and get married. But the emotional reaction to the circumstances was anything but positive. God still held the bigger picture, and He knew in coming through the current trial we would not only be happy and content, but we would be a clearer example of unconditional love in a marriage. He was making us holy, but for a time it meant allowing us to be unhappy.

Four months after we got married, German was transferred at work from Spokane, Washington where our life together was to Birmingham, Alabama. The job was great. We were excited about the move. But when he left in March, I stayed behind to finish at work and sell the house before I could join him. The housing market fell apart at the same time. Finally in September we decided that we were miserable apart, and I would just move down. We arranged for someone to watch the house and the cat until the house sold. It took another four months before it sold. But we learned so much in those months.

We learned that we still had to depend on God, even though we were now married. With thousands of miles between us we could not depend on each other for day-to-day needs and we could not manage the other's emotional needs from a distance. We learned that when God says love unconditionally He means unconditionally. I don't think I would have easily given my heart to German if I had known he would leave me and move across the country---but God had already caused me to love him when it happened. In that same vein I learned to respect German's leading our family even if it seemed impossible. Through lots of mistakes, I finally got it that complaining about the "job" taking him away was an attack on him not the job. So, I learned to take those things to God.

Those lessons were painful. But they were important. They helped to set our marriage apart. They gave us a testimony of God's faithfulness in struggles. They taught us to totally appreciated the times that God brings the good and fun in our life--to be totally happy in each other's presence. More importantly, they taught us that even if we could not find that elusive happiness in the situation we could still find God's peace and joy in His presences. Finally they prepared us for a time when God would say "take the job" and it would lead German to move to England, and leave me in Birmingham. Only in that move we were able to not reside in the unhappy miserable mental state of before, because God had refined us in the early years.

God allows us to find happiness in our marriage. He delights when we are delighting in what He has given us. But as important as our emotional state, His first desire is to make us holy. And He uses our marriages to develop His holiness in our lives. That's how it should be--since our marriages reflect His relationship with the church.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. Ephesians 5:22-27

I'm so thankful He gives me a friend, partner and lover with whom I can share happy times. But I'm most grateful that He works in all of my marriage to make us holy. That is the ultimate desire of my heart.

Marriage Monday is a meme hosted by e-Mom at Chrysalis.blogspot.com the first Monday of each month. It is an opportunity to explore different themes within the topic of marriage. Please visit some of the others writing on this subject of happiness or holiness. I know you will be blessed.

Roman Holiday (part three of three)

Here are just some miscellaneous shots that are my favorites.

What is a holiday without food shots?

Pastries!


Pizza!


And GELATO!!! (Flower's favorite part of Rome)

Then there were these pictures in the forum that encapsulate Rome for me: History, Tourists and Catholicism


But here is my favorite picture of all!


Hope you enjoyed your virtual Roman Holiday!

Roman Holiday (part two of three)

More sightseeing photos around Rome:


Running on the Circus Maximus


Fountains in Piazza de Navona


The Pyramid


Trevi Fountain--yes we all threw in coins to "insure" we will someday return to Rome.


Fountain at the Spanish Steps

One of the cool things about this trip was that German's very best friend/more like a brother from High School Days was in Rome with his family on business. Our plan was to spend the entire day together on their third day in Rome. On their first day in Rome we had left a message that said we were at Trevi Fountain headed to the Spanish Steps. We finished taking our pictures at the top of the Spanish Steps and started down. I heard someone say "I wonder how close we can get to them before they see us?" It was our friends. They had got our message and headed out the door immediately to try and catch us...you know in the little village of Rome with oodles of tourists. It was awesome! Here is a shot from the all-day touristy day 3.


One more post to come...

Roman Holiday (part one of three)

I have finally uploaded some pics from our awesome week in Rome and thought I'd share a few with you all! The last time we were in Rome Jewel was six months old and I had thrown out my back the morning we left. Needless to say, my memories of Rome were not completely wonderful. So I could not wait to go back and *truly* experience it!

Our first day we spent in the rain, going to St. Peter's and to the Sistine Chapel. When I say in the rain, that is literal. We waited in the queue outside St. Peter's for 40 minutes, and in the queue for the Sistine Chapel for over an hour!

But the sites are amazing! One of my favorite Michelangelo sculptures is his Pieta, so this was awesome to see.

The architecture is incredible. The dome is beautiful. Not being Catholic, the importance of the Vatican is only historical and political to me. But, many of my friends are Catholic and I know that this is somewhat of a spiritual home. So, while there, standing under the dome, I was able to say prayers for Nicola and Olive and Maria and thank God that their faith impacts my life.

shhhh...cameras aren't allowed

The next day, the sun came out! Yay! We spent the day at the Colosseum and the Roman Forum. Here are a few pics of that day...

the girls were most excited about walking on the Roman road after studying it at school!



That's just days one and two! More to come...

In Other Words--No Matter What???

Throughout the history of God's people as given to us in the Bible, we see that life is a test. We have before us the option to trust God 'no matter what,' or to walk away from Him. To walk away from God is to leave the fragments of our dreams in pieces on the floor, but to trust Him is to let God pick up the pieces and make s whole again. When we choose to let Him make us whole again, He will make our lives more beautiful than before."
~ "What I Learned from God While Quilting" by Ruth McHaney Danner & Cristine Bolley~

This is a quote that I really wish I knew more of the context. I probably agree with the spirit of the quote, but it is not sitting totally easy with me. It almost appears to be an equation that can be overly simplified to "trust God=beautiful life, walk away=broken life" and I don't agree with that. Yes, it allows for the coming back after a period of not trusting, but what about when you are totally trusting and your dreams still seem to be shattered fragments on the floor?

One of my favorite Bible characters is Caleb. When we are first introduced to Caleb as one of the twelve spies that scouted out the Promised Land.

So at the LORD's command Moses sent them out from the Desert of Paran. All of them were leaders of the Israelites. These are their names: ... from the tribe of Judah, Caleb son of Jephunneh;

(Numbers 13:3-4a and 6a)

The spies came back with a choice--to trust God 'no matter what' or to walk away from the promise. Ten walked away and as a result the dream of entering the Promised Land, not only for themselves but also for the people they led in disbelief, shattered into fragments in the sand. But two chose to trust 'no matter what.' They attempted to get the people to trust 'no matter what,' but the people were too frightened by the ten.

Then Caleb silenced the people before Moses and said, "We should go up and take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it."

(Numbers 13:30)

And God rewarded them for trusting Him.

But because my servant Caleb has a different spirit and follows me wholeheartedly, I will bring him into the land he went to, and his descendants will inherit it.

(Numbers 14:24)

In this desert your bodies will fall—every one of you twenty years old or more who was counted in the census and who has grumbled against me. Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun. As for your children that you said would be taken as plunder, I will bring them in to enjoy the land you have rejected.

(Numbers 14:29-31)

But it took over 40 years to see the reward. I often wonder if during those years of wandering in the desert if Caleb and Joshua ever wondered if they would see their dreams come to fruition. Did they have moments of frustration that they were made to wait and suffer because of the sins of others? Yes, they were trusting for the bigger dream--but this route to get there could not have seemed easy at all!

So often when we choose to 'trust God no matter what' the immediate result seems so much worse. Walking away is often the easy choice. Staying, and facing the circumstances in God's strength, can seem so difficult. Giving up begins to look like a good option. But, often, it is in the trial of trusting that the true beauty emerges.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

(James 1:2-4)

Did you get that? Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature. We often think that trusting God means that we get to an easy answer. But often it is just the beginning of the trial that will lead us to maturity. And there is joy in that, although difficult to accept at the time. The joy of knowing that maturity is coming is what can spur us along as we 'trust no matter what.'

What about Caleb? Well even if he ever doubted it in the desert (don't you wish we knew more about his desert journey) he was still trusting God 'no matter what' at the end!

Now the men of Judah approached Joshua at Gilgal, and Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite said to him, "You know what the LORD said to Moses the man of God at Kadesh Barnea about you and me. I was forty years old when Moses the servant of the LORD sent me from Kadesh Barnea to explore the land. And I brought him
back a report according to my convictions, but my brothers who went up with me made the hearts of the people melt with fear. I, however, followed the LORD my God wholeheartedly. So on that day Moses swore to me, 'The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the LORD my God wholeheartedly.' "Now then, just as the LORD promised, he has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the desert. So here I am today, eighty-five years old! I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I'm just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. Now give me this hill country that the LORD promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the LORD helping me, I will drive them out just as he said." Then Joshua blessed Caleb son of Jephunneh and gave him Hebron as his inheritance. So Hebron has belonged to Caleb son of Jephunneh the Kenizzite ever since, because he followed the LORD, the God of Israel, wholeheartedly.

(Joshua 14:6-14)

God, help me today to be a Caleb. Help me to trust you "no matter what," even if the fruition of that trust is not for a far off future--or even eternity like the saints of Hebrews 11. Whether they are shattered by my own rebellion or by my expectations that are not aligned with your plan, help me to place the fragments of my dreams into your hands. I want to trust. In the Good Shepherd's care and name I pray, Amen.

Our hostess this week is Nina at Mama's Little Treasures. Please join us there and be blessed by the reflections on this quote.

Let Us Celebrate

Christ is Risen! The Lord is Risen Indeed!

In Other Words--All By Myself

Apparently I am what you call a "typical" female---I like to chat over my problems with my friends. I like to have someone else's input into a situation, to see if there are sides to the problem I have not thought about, and to get another's stamp of approval on my plans. Conversation and validation are not just desires, they really are needs. And they are needs for most women. Many men, on the other hand, are much better at sorting problems on their own without chatting it over with anyone else.

The last couple of years have been somewhat of a struggle for me. Being "typical" I need to talk with friends. But the friends that I have shared the deepest parts of my heart with have all moved away. I've fought a deep lonliness of "needing" to share but not having anyone in physical proximity with whom to share (except German who is oh-so-grateful when I share with girlfriends and not him!).

So it is with a heart that is torn by being lonely and wanting a friend to hear my heart that I read this week's quote:

"No matter how many good friends I had, there were aspects of my life I needed to deal with alone-heart issues and attitudes that could not be wrestled with in a Bible study...They had to be confronted by the Holy Spirit in the privacy of my own soul."
~ "A Glimpse of Grace" by Mary Forsythe (with Beth Clark) ~

*sigh* It is true. Although I have struggled in a dearth of close companions, I have grown in an intimacy with God over the past two years that would not have happened in the presence of others. He has been the only One I could go to with my tears, cares and fears. He has graciously and persistently sought to break down the barriers that were keeping me from a deeper relationship with Him. He has exposed the ugliness of my heart that a friend would never have pointed out (at least not so undeniably) and then He has taken that ugliness and dealt with it. Sometimes it is in aloneness that we confront the most. I can't say that I like that reality, but I am grateful for the results of it in my life.

Lord, God, help me to see the seasons of aloneness to be a gift from you. Give me wisdom to use those times to grow in my relationship with you. May I find the trust and the companionship that I seek in Your arms. Amen.

Michelle at Because I Love You is the hostess this week for In Other Words. Please visit her site and be blessed. If you would like to write your own thoughts on the quote, please leave your link at Michelle's site so others can find you!

Ciao!

Spending some time with my family. Back to blogging in a week. Blessings!

In Other Words--The Need of a Vision

"The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision."
~ Helen Keller ~

Vision. It is a word that I've been thinking on a lot lately. My church recently had a "Vision Day" where we came together to focus on where the individuals in the church saw our ministry paths taking us. We met to pray, fellowship, worship and brainstorm. Literally hundreds of ministry ideas were suggested. The post-it notes were accumulated with all their ideas and entered into a spreadsheet. Now the leadership is sorting through them, grouping similar ideas together and praying for priorities. Parts of the vision may take a long time to see fruition--major renovations to our church building to make it more program-friendly. Other things were easier to identify and move forward. There was a myriad of suggestions for use of our drama team, our puppet team and doing things for the kids in the church. All-age worship was conceived and will have its first service Palm Sunday. They will be services built around a theme using drama, puppets and children's songs and will be interactive with the whole church. It sounds exciting. But it didn't just "happen." The vision was put forth by members of the church, one couple in the church "caught" that vision and allowed God to grow it. Now there is a team of a dozen people ready to move. Vision brings activity and movement.

Vision is also a clear indicator that the Spirit of God is moving, whether it is in a church setting or an individual believer's life. Joel 2:27-29 tells us:

"Then you will know that I am in Israel,
that I am the LORD your God,
and that there is no other;
never again will my people be shamed.
And afterward,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your old men will dream dreams,
your young men will see visions.
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days." (emphasis mine)

I know in my own life, when I am in the Word and growing in my relationship with God is when I "dream dreams" of what God can do. I see Him at work more actively and want to see even more of Him. Admittedly, not all the dreams I dream come to fruition. I don't believe that is the point. Dreams and visions energize me. They give me hope. And they make me more aware of what God is already doing. When my vision is enlarged and attuned to seeing God at work, then I am more willing and able to allow the Spirit to change me. I believe that is what is meant in Proverbs 29:18:

Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he. (KJV)

or in the translation of The Message:

If people can't see what God is doing,
they stumble all over themselves;
But when they attend to what he reveals,
they are most blessed.

When I "attend" to what He reveals, He changes me. My faith is vibrant. I am able to be a conduit of His glory. When I have no vision--when I see the world through worldly eyes and not heavenly ones--my faith becomes stagnant and stale. And a stagnant faith is a perishing faith. If the only sight I have is to see the troubles of this world, I might as well be blind. Vision, God's vision, is what enables me to see the world with hope. And that is truly a gift from God!

Father God, today I pray the words of that ancient Irish hymn:
Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Give me vision to see the world as You see it and enable me to be a bearer of hope to it. In Jesus' Holy and life-giving name, Amen.

Today's In Other Words is hosted by Heather at Mommy Monk. Please join us there for other reflections on this quote by Helen Keller. I know that you will be blessed.



photo is courtesy of www.morguefile.com and the photographer is Andrew/MindExpansi0n.

Marriage Monday---Divorce

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The topic of discussion for this month's Marriage Monday is this: "Is Divorce Ever Right?" I'll invite you right now to go to Chrysalis' site to find much more thought out, well reasoned and articulated posts than this one will be. There are some really amazing women who participate in this monthly meme and I am sure will be much more insightful than I am.

I've been struggling with this post for a couple of weeks. Thoughts and images that have come to my mind include:
*As a product of divorced parents I find myself torn. My parents waited to separate and divorce until the kids left the house, then when we were gone after 23 years of marriage it ended. But the fact was, the marriage had ended long before that and the kids they were "protecting" knew it. So I look at the wasted time and the added hurt they (and we) encountered. There were none of the *big* reasons for divorce there--they were mismatched from the begining with different agendas and different goals. I doubt that they ever achieved the *oneness* of marriage. But does being mismatched allow for divorce? (I say this with trepidation knowing that my step-Mom at least, and maybe my Dad, reads this, so please don't be offended...).
*As a social worker and a counselor I encountered more than one family where there was real danger to remain in the marriage. The physical danger was real and showed in the bruises and broken bones (not to mention broken spirits) of the family members. Staying was not an option until changes took place for safety. But was dissolution of the marriage the only option?
*I remember as a young teen a friend's mom telling me that she knew that there was sin involved in her first marriage but that she believed her sin was in "marrying someone she knew that God was saying run away from, not from getting away from the danger when she finally woke up." The quote stayed with me. It reminded me that marrying the right person was just as important as staying with them. But what should one do when they have married the *wrong* person?
*I have a few friends who had little choice in the matter of an actual divorce--their spouse walked away, refused any steps toward reconciliation, and filed. Whether or not they wanted to be, they found themselves divorced. Where is their responsibility in it all?

We live in a society that makes it easy to justify sin. We justify overindulgence, materialism, greed, selfishness, etc. Justifying divorce is just as easy. I was appalled as a youth worker by the number of kids who felt like "well if it doesn't work we can always divorce" when discussing how they should choose a future mate. *Irreconciliable differences* has made the divorce question seem so easy. But it is not that easy.

Micah 2:15-16 reminds us "Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. "I hate divorce," says the LORD God of Israel, "and I hate a man's covering himself with violence as well as with his garment," says the LORD
Almighty. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith. '

Jesus says that the law of Moses "permitted" divorce because their hearts were hard. (Mt 19) It was never considered to be the *best* or what God intended. But it was happening, so rather than women being abandoned without anything, rules of divorce were introduced. When Jesus says "except in the case of marital Unfaithfulness" (Mt. 5:32), he is acknowledging a reason why divorce may seem reasonable. But He never said that it was the best or what should be pursued. I have seen marriages restored from even the worst of circumstances when both person actively pursued God and allowed Him to transform their marriage. I'm not suggesting that it is easy--it is far from it. Our most intimate relationships highlight the worst of the sin that lurks in each of our hearts. We must constantly fight for the purity and the integrity in the relationship.

A final influence goes through my mind. My lovely Christian friend is married to an unbeliever. They have been married thirty years now. He has had numerous affairs during the course of their marriage, which she learned about fifteen years ago. He is unrepentant. She has been advised over and over that this is a *permissable* reason to leave. She has chosen to stay. She said to me once that she could not describe the pain in the decision of staying, but that she was not going to be the one to leave. If he ever filed for divorce, she said she would not contest it, but she would not sin by walking away from her commitment to God to be married to him. She then said, "he never made a commitment to God to stay with me because he did not acknowledge God and that without commitment to God no marriage is safe from infidelity." She has taught me more by staying in this marriage than I could learn from any book or classroom.

Is divorce ever right? I don't believe so. Not because there are never justifiable reasons to not be with a person--but because the commitment to marriage is not just between a man and woman, it is between that man or woman and God. In cases of abusive behavior, separation from the danger is definitely right. Counseling, retraining of actions, anger management and lots of prayer are necessary. But dissolution of a marriage, breaking of a covenant made with and before God, is not right.

But, just as with any other commitment before God that we break, His loving mercy is always there for restoration. He never leaves us in our brokenness if we seek Him. Whether it is the brokenness of a relationship, the brokenness of falling to a temptation yet again, or even willful prideful rebellion--when we repent and seek Him we can always find Him. Praise God for that!

The thoughts expressed in this article are mine brought forth from my own experience and reading of the Scripture. I realize that others may not agree with me. I respect your right to your opinion and ask for that same respect. Blessings on your day!

Heard at My House...the profound edition

"The Lord has given this land to us,
I need to fuss
He knows what He's doing,
The Lord...."

You astute VeggieTales officiandos out there will know that the second line of this song is actually "NO need to fuss." But that is not how it is sung at our house. And it is sung at our house at least twenty thousand four hundred and one times a day, so this is heard at our hosue often. As I went to correct the girls for the umteenth time, I begain to see that they may actually be singing reality.

fuss: a: a state of agitation especially over a trivial matter b: objection, protest c: an often petty controversy or quarrel (according to www.Merriam-Webster.com)


How often do I see that God is at work in a situation and instead of rejoicing in what is happening, I choose to fuss? Maybe God chose to work differently than I would have chosen, so I get indignant. Maybe His time table did not comply with mine, so I get frustrated pace and fret. Maybe I am just disgruntled because someone else is getting the blessing instead of me. Maybe my excuse is that I am just being human, but that really translates into just being selfish.

There is often a sense that I need to "fuss"--fret and object--out of some misguided sense of injustice. Other times I "fuss" around--fidget, interfere, agitate--and get in the way. I say that God is working in my life but I don't act like He knows what He is doing. Worse yet, I act like He needs my "superior" skills to accomplish things. What a joke! What a sinful, prideful, selfish person I can be. And although my words may be saying "God is doing great things" if my actions are saying "I wish He would listen to me", what are people hearing? I think they more often hear the actions than the words. I want my actions to demonstrate my trust that "The Lord is giving (whatever we need) to us....He knows what He's doing."

Leave it to the children to teach us the lesson.

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. Psalm 46:10

The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. Psalm 28:7

An added note, after I wrote the above I went to the dictionary to get the actual definitions (as quoted above) instead of my in-my-feeble-brain definitions of my rough draft. In addition to the ones listed, there is this definition:

a: needless bustle or excitement b: a show of flattering attention

I realized that sometimes I "make a fuss" over what God is doing and in the end over-analyze it to the point of almost minimalizing it. The key words here seem to be "needless" and "flattering". It is important to recognize God's hand and to give Him the glory. But often I need to just let God be God and not try to explain Him. He doesn't need my flattery, He deserves my worship. That is the fine line that He is teaching me to define. Seems to me there is more heart-work that I need to do here. Maybe I'll write about it more in the future.

Blessings today! Thanks for coming by!

photograph courtesy of www.morguefile.com; artist=setapart

In Other Words---A Mother's Prayer

"Momma prayed, momma cried, momma laid awake at night.
She would fight my battles while I slept away
Cause momma knew life is hard
without somebody on your side
I don't know how, but there is power in the way,
The way my momma prayed."

words and music by Jeremiah Olson of 40milesNorth

I grew up in a home of believers. But the only time I ever remember prayer in my home was grace before meals. I know that my mother would disappear into her room to have her devotional time, and I assume that she prayed during that time, but I never saw her or heard her pray for my brother or me. I have friends that speak of always knowing their mother was praying no matter what they did. They tell those stories as they tell of the protection they had or the draw back to Jesus (for the more wayward ones). There is always a comfort level and an awe as they speak reverently of their mothers' prayers. I don't have that in my mother. I have it in my grandmother. I know that she spent hours praying for her grandchildren and I could call her and tell her anything because she would be praying into it. I am grateful for that. Yet, I'm sad I don't have those memories of my mother.

So this is one area that I want to parent differently than my mom. I want my girls to know that I pray for them. I want them to see me pray, hear me pray, trust that I pray. We pray at the start of schooltime, and it thrills my heart to hear them offer their prayers alongside mine. We pray at mealtime. I make certain that I don't disappear behind a closed door for all of my devotional time--I want them to see me open my Bible, read, journal and pray. We pray at night before they go to bed. And you know what makes me most content as a mother---when I hear them pray over their dolls before they put them to bed. I know that they are receiving a heritage.

Someday, they will grow up and take steps into the world on their own. At that time I want them to have the security of knowing that their Mama is praying for them, like she always has and always will. That is one of the greatest gifts I can ever give them.

We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
his power, and the wonders he has done.

He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our forefathers
to teach their children,

so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.

Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.
Psalm 78:4-7

Father, protect my little ones today, physically and spiritually. Even now in their tender hearts I pray you are planting seeds that will grow into faith and obedience. I pray that I will be a role model of an honest seeker and disciple. I pray that as they see me succeed and as they see me fail, they always see me turn to you. Help me to teach them Your ways and Your deeds of the past and today. Please give me wisdom as I help these young hearts to grow and know You. In Jesus' name....amen.

Heather at Titus 2 Woman is the hostess this week for In Other Words. Please come join us and be blessed.

What is Beautiful?

"Go do something beautiful, in the name of Jesus, do something beautiful
God do something Jesus would, do something beautiful."
Graham Kendrick
Copyright © 2002 Make Way Music

For the last several weeks at church we have been singing this little chorus. In some ways it is a theme song for this period of time in the church. I've been reflecting on whether or not we as a congregation, and especially me as an individual, have any idea what we are saying. I suspect that there are others who would join me in saying "I'm singing a lie." (Or as Casting Crowns sings "Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?")

Oh, I don't want to sing a lie. But I suspect that I also don't define beautiful the same way God does. "Go do something Jesus would..." What did Jesus do? Well he touched the untouchable, he loved the unlovable, he confronted the pious, and then he sacrificed himself for those who were rejecting him. The world would say that that was a wasted life. Yet, from this side of the cross, I would say that all of those things are absolutely beautiful and absolutely necessary. But they are costly, and I don't know that I'm always willing to pay the cost. If "beautiful" was defined by the world's standards it would be easier--because that would imply that there would be accolades from the world for doing it. But the things Jesus did, the world really prefers to ignore. The world likes to deny that there are poor, or untouchables, or truths that need to be upheld. Doing something beautiful is often overlooked by the world, and if it is seen it is sneered. Doing what Jesus would costs.

I've been following the blogger Compassion trip that Shannon and BooMama and others are taking. What they are doing is beautiful. And what Compassion is doing is beautiful. They are touching people that most of the world try to ignore. I am touched by their stories. I've laughed with them, cried with them and prayed for them. Most of all it challenges me to look outside my comfort zone. In challenges me to look at people the way Jesus would.

I don't have to go to Uganda to see people as Jesus does. They are all around me. Last week the most beautiful thing I could do was take care of whiny children who could not articulate how bad they felt--so they acted out. Keeping hold of my frustrations while entertaining them and keeping medicine in them was beautiful--because it is the service God called me to at that moment. Yesterday was spent at a "newcomers lunch" at my church. My comfort zone is not introducing myself to new people but I did it--because it was where I needed to be. Tomorrow I will take Jewel to swimming lessons. I am certain that the teacher and the parents of the other kids are not believers. I'm praying to see them as Jesus would--and reach out as he leads. Doing what Jesus calls us to do is not always taking big leaps of faith or doing huge tasks. It is being aware. It is seeing needs. And it is being obedient when He prompts us to act.

I'm praying that I can do something beautiful this week. Praying that you can too. Are you willing to take that step of faith? Blessings to you!

It's a Holy Grail kind of weekend

This is one of the most important weekends on my calendar. Can you guess why?

You probably would not know this about me--since I come across as quiet (hee hee) and reflective (ha ha) and well you know the mousy type that stitches and quilts and studies and not much more--but the truth is I am not those things. Well I do stitch and quilt and study, but I am also a near true fanatic Motor Sports fan. February 17 has been marked on my calendar for months now, well since November, because it is the true start of the year for me. Yes, I will be taking a spot in front of the telly in a couple of short hours to watch the Daytona 500. Yippee we are going racing again.

Are you shocked?

Don't be embarassed. Most people who meet me in real life don't peg me for a race fan either. That is until I start talking racing.

To give you a taste...I subscribe to 100 blogs in my reader--7 of them are Motorsports news blogs that tell me the same thing, German subscribes to AutoWeek magazine but he doesn't get it to read until after I've read the NASCAR section, and I have been known on many occasion to check NASCAR's website before I check my own email. It's addictive.

This year I am a little lost about who I want to win. I have always been a Mark Martin fan...and it definitely had to be Ford powered. But now not only does Mark drive a Chevy but he drives the #8 and, although not a Dale Jr fan, I refuse to support DEI. So I need to choose a driver, like in the next 90 minutes. Leaning toward Carl Edwards, but not convinced. But I can't wait for the season to begin.

But this weekend ended up being Motorsports heaven. Yesterday we spent the day at a MotorSport Rally. It was held down the road from us (we are actually close enough that we could hear the cars for 3 hours of racing after we left the course). I have not paid much attention to rally racing except to know that it was a timed event and that a co-driver is used to tell the driver the course that is not known in advance. May I just say that it was a blast to watch. The stretch of the course that we could see was really very contained, so the speed was great. But the agility of the cars and watching them slide through the hairpin curves was totally cool. We watched for about an hour before we got in out of the cold. And we have already noted the dates for next year. *gleeful clapping *

Fast cars, the smell of racing fuel and burning tires, and that sound of the engine. What more could a girl want?

Enjoy the race!

(sorry there are no pictures...our first rally race and we forgot the camera and the few on the phone camera just don't capture it)

Mom is not allowed to be sick

*ugh* I am sorry I disappeared on everyone! I managed to miss the memo that mom's are not allowed to be sick--and made up for it all at one time. I cannot think of a time, ever, that I spent two days in bed ill. Really who has time for that? With this wonderful bug that invaded my home I spent five days in bed. FIVE!! And three of those the girls and German were also in bed sick. And they stayed in bed three days past me. *double ugh* The doc said it was *just* a respiratory virus. Except Flower who had tonsilitis as well. But then the doc did not hear my cough that would last three minutes minimum each time I coughed. So, obviously, blogging was not the priority.

But we are back in the land of the living. Actually we have been back in the land of the living for a week. But between Mt. Laundry and the wonderful task of disinfecting my entire house to GET RID OF THIS BUG, I still haven't had a priority of blogging. I am soooo glad to be back. Thank you to those of you have checked in on me. I promise I'll try not to disappear again.