Monday, March 07, 2011

Marriage Monday--Trusting our Spouse

The topic this month for Marriage Monday is trust.

Trust in marriage is a funny thing. I would not say that I am a trusting person. I have a strong innate hesitation that maybe all is not as it appears. I don't know how much of that was taught and how much of that is natural, but I tend to doubt and wade into new situations and friendships slowly.

But I have never been that way with German. I trusted him with secrets almost from our first time alone together. He, too, shared deep parts of himself quickly--back in the days when we were just friends and there was no romance on the horizon. We almost instantly trusted each other. And I truly believe that is God-given.

In our pre-marital counseling our pastor encouraged us that we needed to trust when in the presence of others because our jobs would require us to be alone with opposite gender. We looked at him as if he were crazy, 'why wouldn't we trust in that?' I remember early on talking to a friend about German at his work. The name of a certain female colleague came up multiple times. My friend cautioned me that I 'needed to keep an eye on that relationship' because they were working too closely together. I remember clearly not just thinking but absolutely believing in my deepest places that I had no cause to fear. I trusted him. I still do. And my trust gives him the freedom to do his job and to share his work and colleagues with me. Because I trust him he talks about all aspects of his work. In other words, he can trust me.

When after a few months of marriage he announced that we needed to accept a transfer and move across country, I trusted that it was not only right for his career but it was right for us. When the next move was across the Atlantic, I never hesitated because I knew he had our best interest at heart. As we contemplate what will happen next any hesitation I have is not about distrust. I sometimes grieve what the choices mean in terms of what we lose, but I trust that the benefits of what we gain will always be better. I trust my husband's heart when it comes to taking care of our family.

I know plenty of people who have never developed that level of trust. Circumstances or past experience have caused them to doubt. They have never felt the abandonment of worry that I feel with German. I am sorry for them. I am sorry that they face their relationship with an edge of caution. I am thankful that from the beginning God granted me the grace of trust. I'm thankful that he granted German the grace of trust. And together we feel a firm foundation to build decisions upon. Given past experiences, that was a miracle for both of us. We don't take it for granted, and we are grateful.

Did trust come naturally to your relationship? If not, how did you develop it? If you aren't sure at all about how to have trust in your marriage, visit around the Marriage Monday community this week. I'm sure you will find many godly pointers of how to create trust in your marriage. God bless you.


Jona said...

"almost instantly trusting each other" - same with hubby and me, thankfully :D
my Marriage Monday

Faith said...

Excellent! God is sooo was the same way with me and my hubby...although I had some major trust issues (and still do to a degree) regarding other people/friendships, the trust thing was just THERE when I met Dave who like you two was a friend first before the romance set in. Halleluia!! thanks for sharing your story...God bless you!!

Marsha Young said...

"...God granted me the grace of trust" .... You are indeed blessed, my friend.

Some of us have had to slog along for many "cautious" years, before we could come to that place.

Your testimoney is a wonderful encouragement. God bless you - Marsha

Lynn said...

Oh MP,

Such a precious post. I loved this:I remember clearly not just thinking but absolutely believing in my deepest places that I had no cause to fear. I trusted him. I still do.

amen. my sister... amen.

Thank you for encouraging my heart and many others. You are such a great friend. Hugging you this Monday. Be blessed, Lynn

Lisa notes... said...

I have a certain level of mistrust from my first husband who cheated on me multiple times, but I have tried not to let it affect my second husband of 19 years & counting--who has never given a minute's reason to not trust him. Thanks for provoking thought today.

e-Mom said...

I'm reading Lisa's comment above, and I'm feeling very sad for her. So hard to imagine such severe betrayal.

I surmise from a comment you left elsewhere that you and German are similarly gifted... in math and logic? Trust does seem to come more easily when we're in the company of others who approach the life the same way we do... like slipping into a warm, comfy bathrobe.

On the other hand, Tami's post talks about how she's married to a creative soul, whereas she's the left-brained educator in the family. I appreciated hearing about her journey of growth in trust for him.

All that just to say, MiPa you are blessed to be married to a "soulmate," if you will! Sounds like German's personality innately makes sense to you, which allows you to trust him easily. That's wonderful!

In the context of any potential temptation German might face in ministry, Faith's post made a lot of sense to me. She said: "Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love." Hoping you never have to deal with a betrayal like Lisa's.

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today MiPa, as always.

((Hugs)) e-Mom ღ

nice A said...

As I am always consulted about marital problems, I hear various stories about mistrust. When individuals have painful past experiences such as that of Lisa's they usually join a new relationship with different expectation and perspective. I am currently counseling women who are struggling - some because their husband don't trust them and some whose husbands they can't fully trust. Most of them have different issues to handle. You are very lucky that you and German don't have any trust issues. Hubby and I worked everything out to achieve trust and communication, like Julie's main point, is really crucial. Casting out all fears and causes of mistrust will improve marriages and God is always there to help us as long as we ask Him to.
God bless you and German more, MiPa!

Tami Boesiger said...

Ah, my long lost twin, finally a discrepancy in our parallel lives. I praise God this has been an easy area for you and German. It is foundational and no doubt He uses the two of you greatly because of your ability to trust one another. It is a rare commodity these days.

One thing that struck me about your post was your willingness to go ANYWHERE at his leading. I'm not sure I'd have the same attitude as you if I were in your shoes. I'd do the right thing, but I wouldn't be too happy about it. It takes hard work to sacrifice like that. I know your trust in German and God enabled you to do it, but I find it impressive. Wow.

hip-chick said...

Trust is such a difficult thing isn't it? In marriage it is the thing that holds everything together. If it is not there then everything eventually crumbles to the ground.

Mac an Rothaich said...

Ah yes, trust came so easy with my husband compared to any other relationship I have.

tonya said...

How awesome to display that deep trust in your marriage to your friends. Thanks for sharing!

Julie Arduini said...

What a blessing that you had that trust right from the start and through all the things God took you through. I love to read stories like this because I know it is rare. Thank you for reading my post and leaving a kind comment. Have a blessed weekend!