Monday, May 14, 2007

I AM---Lesson 5 "I Was"



1. Have you ever found yourself 'in faith' yet bewildered or demoralized?

Yes. After miscarriage number two (at 14 weeks) I was totally 'in faith' that we would be or have the family that God intended. But I was still heartbroken, bewildered and confused why we were unable to have "this" child. It was compounded by the whys. The baby was trisomy-21 and the doctor said it just didn't make it. The week we learned the "why", friends at church had a beautiful little girl--trisomy21. I could not understand why ours didn't make it and theirs did. I still don't understand the why, but God did give us the family He intended.

2. Do you consider yourself content? Would you describe it as Decidedly Content or Dreamily Content?

I am content. I am dreamily content in that I love watching German with the girls and get that "how can I be so lucky" feeling. I walk through my house and review my life and am just amazed at how much God has blessed me. But I am also decidedly content. I choose to be happy wherever God (and the job) lead us, with the things that we are able to do, and the current situations. I could spend my life saying "what if" but that would be so much of a waste.

3. If you are not content, are there circumstances that keep you from this feeling?
I was tempted to just say "not applicable" but then I realized that a situation arose yesterday that I am unsettled and discontent over. I need to spend some time with God choosing to be content in it, even if it is decidedly going to a place that is NLIP.

4. Have you ever found yourself in a place where you looked back on a period of your Christian walk and believed a great opportunity passed you by?
Honestly, no. I look back and think "I could have done that better" or "I could have spoken sooner" or something along those lines. But I don't see "great opportunities" that pass me by. I try to keep the perspective that everything in the past shapes me to who I am in the present.

5. Do you ever believe your faith was stronger in an earlier time in your Christianity and find yourself floundering now?
I believe that I am in a great period of growing in and trusting God. I think my faith has changed over the years--become less childlike and more adult, more of a deliberate choice, more foundational. Yes, it has ebbed and flowed with life, but always seems stronger for the experience. Sometimes I am nostalgic for the "just loving and believing in God" faith I had as a child, but I really appreciate the faith I have now that is based up seeing God's faithfulness and believing Him no matter what.

6. Can you recognize that this season may be one of great preparation instead of a period of "I Was"?
I believe each season of our life is preparing and growing us for the next. It is in looking back to the periods of "I Was" I can see what God has kept me from being. I don't have to dwell on "I Was" (infertile, miscarriage, unbalanced in school/work/church life, disobedient, prideful or whatever) because God has brought me through those times (and continues to bring me through) to be the mentor and minister I am today. And He will take these times in my life, good and bad, to make me an even greater mentor and minister for the future. That is the glory of it---a life in Christ is never stagnant. Hallelujah!

7 comments:

Amydeanne said...

good questions, and much I can relate too when we had our 3rd m/c I felt very similar to your experience.

Denise said...

May you be blessed through this study.

Beloved said...

Praise the Lord for bringing you through those times so you can now share your experiences of how God is still good even in our trials. Thank you so much for your encouragement today, and can I just say that your girls are absolutely precious!

Connie Barris said...

I enjoyed reading your answers... thank you for sharing...

I can tell they were very heartfelt answers...

I did not experience MC but I did go through infertility and I remember so well the heartache with that....but in His time...

Your girls are precious....

blessings to you...
Connie

Tina said...

Thank you. Again, you have made me think.

"everything in the past shapes me to who I am in the present" and "could spend my life saying "what if" but that would be so much of a waste".

These are statements that so much apply to where I am in my life and in my faith.

~Layers*of*Me~ said...

"That is the glory of it---a life in Christ is never stagnant. Hallelujah!" \0/ Amen!

Heather C said...

I love your answers! I especially liked this:

"Sometimes I am nostalgic for the "just loving and believing in God" faith I had as a child, but I really appreciate the faith I have now that is based up seeing God's faithfulness and believing Him no matter what."

I can so relate to this! Thanks for sharing!

Heather