Monday, February 01, 2010

Marriage Monday--Valentines all Year, Just Speak My Language

1st Monday Every Month at Chrysalis

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Welcome to another Marriage Monday! This month we have been asked to talk about how to celebrate Valentine's Day throughout the year. In other words, what are the things that we see as important in our marriage to keep romance all year and not just on one day.

There are so many ways that we live out our love in our everyday lives. It often changes daily based on the needs of the day. There does seem to be a common thread through the ways that love is celebrated in our marriage--it is in attempting to speak a language that the other hears as love. As I've said before, German and I are literal opposites in so many ways. Our love languages (see Gary Chapman's book of the same name for more insight) are a clear demonstration of this. His love languages are acts of service and physical touch; mine are words of affirmation and quality time. It would be so easy for us to go days upon end and not feel the love or romance of the other if we were not cognizant of how love is being spoken. I have to "hear" him when he is speaking his natural language as well as try to speak his natural language. He needs to hear me in my native language in addition to trying to speak my language. The days we are aware of how the other needs to hear love are definitely the days that we speak romance in our home the best.

And we need to plan for that. A funny example was seen just this weekend. Every week German asks me to put together a list of what needs to be done on the weekend. He needs to speak "service" and he wants those acts of service to actually bless me rather than just take "time" away from me. Honestly, I never ask for more than one thing to be accomplished because I want to just "be" with him in the time we have. But this weekend I had informed him that he could speak his native language and help me clean up the wreck of an office. We awoke Saturday morning and he said "what am I doing today?" and I reminded him and he said "but we haven't gone for a drive lately." I quickly said okay and we set off---to go to Edinburgh, three hours away. We had a delightful day. And I felt better Sunday than I have in ages because I had received his love in my language---time. He had sensed that I was needing to hear love in my own way more than he needed to speak it in his way. The result was a perfect day. (And if I'm industrious this week I'll get the office cleaned up myself in an act of service for him--speaking his language.)

So, in our house, recognizing what love language needs to be spoken/heard and following through with actions that speak love is how we keep Valentine's throughout the year.

Do you know your love language? Do you know your spouse's love language? Feeling like you don't connect the way you want or that you are not loved the way you want to be? Maybe it is time for some foreign language lessons. I highly recommend Chapman's book to help you speak and receive love in the language needed.

Please visit the Marriage Monday writers at Chrysalis. You will certainly find things to bless you and challenge you.


Constance said...

I think as we grow in our marriages and we know the love language of our spouse, God does something transforming. While mine is physical touch and dave's is quality time, the more I give what he needs, the more his language becomes my own and vice-versa!

It's a reciprocity thing I suppose, the more we are given the more we want to give in return! Have a blessed week!

nice A said...

Thanks for sharing your thoughts about love language. I guess I have to read more from your recommended Chapman's book. God bless:)

Amydeanne said...

hubby's love language is touch, and mine is gifts & service.
I know sometimes if we don't make a valent effort for contact, it's easy for it to slip away!

Denise said...

Enjoyed this.

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Great stuff! I really loved learning our love languages and really understanding how we love and receive love. Very informative and important stuff to know!!
Much love,

Tami Boesiger said...

Thanks for the reminder about speaking each other's language. I too easily overlook this.

It is completely refreshing when we are loved in our "native" way. Thank you for this.

Joyfull said...

This is a vital part of marriage, understanding our and their love language! So glad that you shared a beautiful reminder today.

bp said...

Such a great post and that is so great that you two know and recognize one another's love languages.

God bless you!

A Stone Gatherer said...

Very Cool! So in tuned with each other!

e-Mom said...

It's so helpful to know what speaks to the other person. Chapman's book about individual love languages has revolutionized many, many marriages.

May I ask you to try a little experiment? Let German clean the office up. I think he wants to receive your appreciation/approval/respect for HIS act of service! Try it! I'll bet he struts around like a proud rooster when he hears all your thanks yous, ooos, and ahhhs!

As always, thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, MiPa. I appreciate your strong support of this meme.


Julie The Surrendered Scribe said...

That book is a staple in our marriage. I'm so in tune to languages that when other couples talk and are frustrated, I usually realize it's love language related.

Great post, and so important to the topic!

Mac an Rothaich said...

Learning one anothers love language is so key! I don't think I have ever heard it shared that way but it makes so much sense.

Wife of Rob said...

Ohhhhh!!! We both dearly love Dr. Chapman's book too! We just did the same thing this past Saturday and just spent "time". It's so rejuvenating! Thank you for sharing!


tonya said...

Learning to give to each other in the way that meets the need of our spouse tends to be the opposite of the way we show our love. It is true opposites attract. :)
Great post!

sharon said...

This was such a delightful post. Knowing each other's love language is really very important and Dr. Chapman's book helps to cut across the confusion and goes straight to the heart of the matter. Thanks for sharing this post.