I'm Back, A Change of Focus, and a Word for 2022

     I'm going to try this writing thing again.  Obviously, a lot has happened in three years. To me, to my family and to the world.  I've been writing, but it has been private reflection.  You will probably see some of that, but not all.  To recap in a nutshell: we moved back to Texas, culture shock set in, the world went crazy and I began to seriously look at the prejudice and separations that set up my childhood, continued to experience culture shock, COVID-19 hit, Rod lost his dad (not to COVID), we bought a house and decided to put our roots in Texas, I lost my Dad/Hero/Best Friend to COVID, I lost my brother to COVID, I totally untethered from plans, I wrote for my sanity and now I think I'm ready to re-connect with the world.  We'll see how long it lasts.  But for the two of you who still check in, I'm here.

    My focus of the blog has always been faith, homeschooling, memory recording and hobbies.  Faith will continue to be the focus, but you will see more of how my faith questions culture, and experience, and expectation.  I'll probably write more about justice, entitlement, and discomfort. I'm just giving you fair warning. I am not the same person who stepped away from the blog in 2018. World circumstances and a lot of time with God have changed me. So I may not hold as many ideas back in the coming days.

    As you may remember, I always have a word for the year.  In 2018 I was working through the idea of being on the Outskirts and reaching those on the outskirts and reflecting on Job 26:14. My word for 2019 was Hope as we continued to wait on God for a job and a place to settle.  In 2020 I started the year with FOCUS since Gemma was to graduate and I didn't want to miss the little things of her ending "childhood" as she became an adult.  I took 2021 off from having a word for the year. Last year was about survival and grief; introspection and asking hard questions and looking past actions directly in the face in light of racism and judgmental attitudes. It was hard and exhausting. So, to be honest, I wasn't sure I even wanted to find a focus word for 2022. But, as so often happens, things began to point me in a general direction.

    One thing I did in 2020 was add plants to my house and I planted a garden. The houseplants survive--the garden did not. In fact, it was a spectacular failure. But it did not deter my dream to grow things. So, I began to think about cultivation as a word, but it was not quite right. In my world reading I picked up the book Where the Wind Leads: A Refugee Family's Miraculous Story of Loss, Rescue and Redemption by Vinh Chung with Tim Downs. In that book, the author spoke of the Vietnamese expression Mất Gấc or "to lose root." The idea, as an immigrant, one loses root as they forget where they came from as they adapt to a new country and culture.  So language, tradition, and cultural clues which root us to our heritage can be lost in transition. Although no longer an immigrant, the idea resonated with me. The last four years have been hard to regain American roots, hold onto European roots that had become so much a part of us, and remember how all of those roots come together in me and my family. Then, in losing my Dad and then my brother this past year, the physical family roots were also severed. I have felt untethered. Just as we were buying a home to put down roots, it felt like everything was pulled up.  So to the germinating 😉 idea of cultivation, I added the idea of roots.

    I still did not have my word for 2022, just an idea. Every couple of years I seriously revisit the Proverbs 31 Woman to see which of her seasons of life I'm aligning with (I don't think this description of her is at one moment but over the course of a lifetime.) In that review, I "found" Proverbs 31:16:

"She considers a field and buys it; With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard."

Maybe this is what I was seeking.  As I began to solidify "plant" as my word, someone posted this quote from wordables.com on their Instagram:

"May the tears you cried in 2021 water the seed you're planting in 2022."

And then I was certain. My word for 2022 is:

PLANT

So in 2022, I am going to PLANT:

• The Word of God in my heart with intentional Bible Study and Scripture Memory
• The Word of God in Women's hearts as I teach and lead
• Stronger Family Roots as I redefine family traditions, record family history, and tell the stories
• Family Memories as we make the most of the next few months before family dynamics are redefined
• Trust and Freedom as we release two of our children to the world this Autumn
• Seeds of Change in myself and others as I tackle the difficult -ism conversations and stay true to what God is teaching me
• Actual vegetable seeds as we try to garden, part 2.

I'm excited about what God will do in 2022.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  What's your focus/dream/goal for this year?

 

photo credit: apples @ morguefile.com

Searching for Less

Our world reminds us constantly that we should be on the lookout for "more." More time, more money, more popularity, more friends, more comments. More, more, more. At some point last year I began to ask myself if I really cared about more of anything. I began to realize that I did not. What I really wanted was the opposite.

Then, I read Falling Free by Shannan Martin about how they had left their life of abundance for a life that was based on much less but gave them so much more (my description here). I was challenged. I was awe-struck. And that little voice that was telling me that I did not care about 'more' got louder. It was not telling me to sell the house and move somewhere else. It was telling me that maybe I could find "more" in my life by dealing with a lot less.

Various things over the last two months have sung this song.  Reminders that stuff is not what makes anyone happy. Sermons reminding of caring for the least of these. A Bible study of Proverbs that warns about accepting wealth and status quo without balancing it with the wisdom of God. By the middle of November I knew what my word for 2017 was to be, and it was daunting. It was........

LESS

Now before you get concerned, it does not mean leaving the house or the life that God has clearly blessed us with at this time. It is about depending more on Him and less on stuff or others. As always, I find it difficult to articulate what the word for the year resounds in my heart. I just know that it is echoing in deep places where God wants to work.  But some of what I hope to see in 2017 is this:

*Less accumulation of paper and materials that are not needed.  In some cases, this is my continuing efforts to digitalize some things and let go of the paper.  Last year it was all of my university notebooks (most just shredded, some digitalized before shredding).  This year it is the early portfolios from homeschooling, a box of my mother's papers that I have not wanted to deal with, and a last box of pictures (from my high school days) that need to be sorted and digitialize anything worth keeping. One of my realizations is that we move too much stuff that is just sitting in boxes.  If it is not important enough to get out of the boxes when we move, maybe I don't need it. If it is the memory it evokes, that can be pictured and carried on a disk. God will call us to move again someday, and I want less stuff to carry with me when he calls.
*Less time spent worrying what others think of the life I am called to live. Yes, that is as self-centered as it sounds.  I spend way too much time worrying how others will accept my choices to home educate, to not have a car, to wear what I wear, to set the limits I set for my kids.  The truth is, most people truly don't care. And if they do care, I think it is their issue not mine. I know that I do not spend anytime criticizing my friends who do things differently than I do. It is their life and their calling, not mine. So why do I give so much thought-space to what others think? I want to give this less thought space.
*Less time doing things that do not build me up. I discovered long ago that there are certain television programs that are not good for me to watch as they will invade my dreams and take away rest. I have been realizing that there is more to this concept for me than I have given credence. There are shows (mostly reality-type shows) that only serve to make me feel dissatisfied with what I have. There are shows that, although I have tried to overlook it, the language bothers me to the extent that it makes me restless. There are things that others can watch for a "mindless past time" that are anything but mindless to me. Thus, I have been cutting those things out of my life. I want that to continue. This is also true of reading. I enjoy reading a wide array of genres and authors, but I am beginning to recognize that there are some I just need to walk away and leave on the nightstand or in the library.  Ironically, I also have more books on my to-be-read list that are tough subjects, even subjects that I don't agree with the subject matter, that remind me that we live in a fallen world and that I need to be showing that world Jesus. So it is not avoiding things that make me think, but avoiding things that make me think of only myself and not look out to others.
*Less voiced negativity and more thankfulness need to be in my daily conversations. One of my friends posted something recently about no longer apologising for some things but instead voicing gratitude (e.g. not "I'm sorry I was late," but "thank you for waiting, it means a lot to me"). That made me think that often I choose to voice the negative rather than look for a way to be grateful. I'm going to try to be less verbal with negative this year. Maybe that will help my teens who have their mother's fluency in sarcasm to also be less negative.
*Less half-hearted rituals and more focus on what God is saying. It is so easy to tick the box of a quiet time, a prayer time, leading a study or helping with a ministry. It is more difficult to use those activities to truly connect with God and focus on the changes that need to be made. I want the latter not the former.
*Less unhealthy things entering my life. Whether it is junk food or junk TV or toxic people, I want to be more diligent to let in healthy and exclude the unhealthy.
*Less holding on to people. This has never been an issue for me, since we have been the ones leaving so much. I've always had to hold people loosely. But we have been here for long enough that I begin to think in terms of "I don't know what I'd do without (___)."  That shows the depths of some relationships. But it also has the focus on the person, not on God. This year, our church will plant a new church and about 100 people will go to the plant. We are not going, at this point. We feel as a family that there is more we can offer at Central than we can offer to the plant. But, some dear friends are going. And that makes me sad. I am also excited for them. In the bittersweet, I find that I am in a place that I need to hold people lightly trusting God to move them, and me, where we all can best serve. I need to celebrate and enjoy every moment I have with people, but not feel so dependent that it leaves trust out of the picture.

So, there it is. My word for 2017: less.  My girls have announced that it is not as exciting as last year's word. They are dubious of some of the things that I see the need to focus. But I know that God has places he wants to clean out. I know that there are things I need to let go of in order to hold onto him more. I'm willing to take that risk.  We'll see where it has led me in 365 days. Let's go.

Happy New Year 2016!

It's another new year! Seems the older my children get, the faster the years fly past. I ended 2015 mostly happy with how my year of "Harmony" had progressed. As I wrote about in November, God continues to challenge me to line up what I believe with how I outwardly portray myself. That, I believe, is a life-long learning journey but I feel that I am making progress. December was taken for pure family time. We took a family cruise to celebrate 20 years of marriage. My Dad and his wife joined us and we had a wonderful time just being together. Am amazing massage may have brought some much needed harmony to my physical body, but time away making memories with my family brought much needed mental and spiritual harmony. That word will continue to inform and encourage 2016.

As the year was drawing to a close, I was putting much consideration into my word for 2016. For over a month, I contemplated a continuing thought about living the gospel, demonstrating practical Christianity in light of a hurting world and helping the girls (especially the girls, Tree is still young for these concepts) to understand that gospel-living is of utmost priority. (Or, at the very least, I need to be making it priority.) But I was stuck. They were great ideas, but the were not a concise word. And, I need a word--something simple to keep in front of my scattered mind.

I've thrown around several words, all lacking on some level:

diligent--it did not seem to be teen-friendly, and as I said I want my girls to also relate
intent--this word was overdone in these lists a few years ago, by myself and others, and has lost some of its intent
gospel--just put out there that this year was about good news. This was the strongest contender but it wasn't inspiring me to live a certain way or change anything

Then, in a recent sermon, just as He does each year, God drew my attention to my word. The speaker said something about the Magi took the search for the new King seriously, packing gifts and traveling long distances to honour him. He then asked, "Do we take our pursuit of Jesus seriously?"

There was it was! My word. I cannot begin to tell you how many dozens of times a day I hear my teen ask (sarcastically, of course), 'seriously?' Everything about her questions whether we are serious about what we say. It is a teen-friendly word to challenge diligence and gospel-living. It is my challenge for 2016. What will it look like? Here are few things that I hope will take root:
* I want to take my pursuit of God's heart through Bible Study seriously.
* I want to seriously memorize Scripture.
* I want to seriously consider what it means to be the temple of God--and to take serious care of that temple physically, mentally and emotionally.
* I want to open my eyes and heart to the plight of the weak and poor, and seriously pursue doing things that make a difference.
* I want to have serious discussions with my children--about Scripture, about life, about living for Christ in a broken world, about their hopes & dreams.
* I want to take opportunities to have serious discussions with friends and strangers alike.
* I want to live with an intentionality that allows others to see that I take Jesus seriously.

We live in a world of a lot of competing ideologies. I need to be intentional about what my motivations are. My kids will hear ideas and recommendations that sound like edicts from all types of people who take their beliefs seriously. I hope that when my kids look back they can say the same about what they learned at home through both word and deed. This year, I'm taking that mandate SERIOUSLY.

A Year of WAITING and BELIEVING in review

I knew upfront that choosing a year's word of "WAIT and BELIEVE" that it was very likely that I would come to the end of the year still "waiting and believing" and have not much to show.  And that, pretty much, sums up the year, with a few bright spots of accomplishing something.

We began the year waiting for a ministry opportunity to come to fruition.  In January we met with a group of mostly-like-minded people who wanted a house group in their geographic area.  By February we were leading it, and it has been a highlight in a year of waiting. We meet to study, find application in the Sunday sermons, eat and fellowship, and pray.  And I have made friends that I probably would not have even met otherwise. So it was good waiting and trusting.

I began the year longing for a more intimate ladies Bible Study.  I still wait for that. But in the interim, Tree and I have been attending a Mum and Toddler group that does Bible Study one week of the month and that has been a tremendous blessing.  Being with other Mums of Toddlers reminds me that the challenges of this age are normal.  I still long to lead a more in depth group. I miss my Ladies study to this day, four years after having moved away.  But God in his wisdom is still saying, "WAIT" so I will continue to wait and believe that someday I will have that again.

There has been other waiting. There was the waiting for our landlord to decide if he did indeed want the house we were renting back for a family member. Then there was the waiting to find an appropriate house that would still allow us to lead house group. There was waiting to move, to settle, to find our balance in a new village.  There was the waiting for a new rhythm as German changed accounts and travel schedules yet again.

I continue to wait and believe that the words that I have bouncing in my head will mean something to someone someday.  Children's needs seem to crowd it out. But I still hear God whisper "Wait...and believe." Last Christmas the sermon that inspired me reminded us that Simeon may have waited for DECADES to see the Messiah, yet he waited and believed. I knew that I would wait longer than a year for some of the desires whispered in my heart to fruit and flower. It doesn't make waiting easier, but it makes it bearable to know that God has a time table. I have to trust it. I can't say I always wait expectantly or patiently. But God knows that my heart is to learn in this process.  So when I might have thrown my hands up in surrender, he inspired Lisa Jo Baker to pen "If This Whole Year has Felt Like Wasted Waiting". It is a wonderful read of how waiting is normal in our Bible heroes and inspires us to continue to wait.  Reminded and bolstered, I continue to wait.

So I come toward 2015 wondering what word to choose. I considered "persevere" or "pursue" or "patient" but too many of those words seemed like me doing the work, not God.  Then, Christmas morning the sermon was about Mary's song and how she sang with confidence in the past tense because she trusted that God would fulfill what He promised.  The pastor referenced Psalm 96:1-2 that each of us must sing a new song.  That is one of my all-time favourite verses (along with Psalm 98!).  The reminder that we each are constantly singing new songs to the Lord for the good things he has done.  My heart was resonating with the message when he said this,

"We can only find rest when we sing in

HARMONY

with the great composer."

I knew that I had found my word.  I know that this year will be more waiting and believing for the things that I know are promised, but may not be imminent. But I don't want that waiting to be fretful or anxiety-filled.  I want it to be trusting-waiting.  I want to find rest in the wait.  Thus I need to keep harmony with God as I wait.

Will you continue to wait with me?  In the interim, may we seek to live our lives in Harmony with God so that we do not become anxious as we seek his timing.  Whether it is days, or decades, I hope to wait and believe until God brings to fruition all his plans for me.  I pray you are able to do the same.

 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.
Colossians 3:14-15

New Year Reflections 2014

It is time for the annual review and choosing a “year word” to guide my learning this year.  Last year I wrote, 

First, I believe that 2013 is a year of TRANSFORMATION. Now, that word in and of itself is terrifying to me. I am a creature of habit and change is not always my friend (yes, you can laugh knowing how many changes that our family has made in the last 3 years). I prefer quiet and home and the transformations in our lifestyle over the last few years I have known were preparing me for something. Maybe this is year I will more clearly define the something. The verse that accompanies this thought is probably obvious but here it is:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2 (ESV)

This year I want to be intentional about the things that I put into my mind, that I put things to memory that will transform me and edify me and aid me in edifying others.
Secondly, I believe that 2013 is a year of EMERGING from one way of life into something that God has been preparing me for all along. I don't know exactly what that is yet, but I believe that it will involve a more intentional emphasis on ministry and writing than I have had in the last few years. I can't wait to see what is planned!

In 2013, I did not emerge from the chaos of the year before.  No, I probably became even more entangled. I did not intentionally write much of anything. I did not see huge transformations in my life (other than yet another international move that was far from what I intended when I wrote those reflections).  I did not do much of anything at all with the words that I chose for 2013.

And, yet, I do not believe that it was a failure.

The words that are imprinted on my heart at the beginning of the year are just that---words.  I can use them to guide me and give me boundaries of purpose as I study and learn. I can allow them to give me freedom to explore new areas that I believe God is making me tender. Or, I can make them legalistic tools that dictate my writing and reading and reflecting. If I do the latter, I lose the joy of the year.  Last January I was truly excited about the pictures of metamorphosis I was seeing and knew that the picture could explain some of my yearning.  But I had no idea what God had in mind.  Yes, our life was transformed. Yes I did some things intentionally and furthered those foundations. But, no, it was not as I had planned.  I am choosing to believe that it is more of a success to keep getting up and follow as faithfully as I can what God is showing me than it is a failure to not have brilliant commentary on a couple of words chosen in faith.

So it is with more than a little apprehension that I choose a word for the 2014.  On Christmas morning, one of the ministers at our church was preaching on Simeon and Anna.  He said

 “Simeon was a man ready to recognize the work of the Spirit on the most significant of days only because he had walked with the Spirit on thousands of seemingly insignificant days…..Simeon had been promised he would not die before seeing the Messiah….So Simeon had waited and believed. And waited and believed. And waited and believed. For how long, we don’t precisely know. Years. Decades maybe. Through them all he waited and he believed.”

There are promises I have heard breathed in my heart and spirit.  I believe that they will come to fruition.  On Christmas morning some of those promises were re-whispered in my heart along with the admonition…Wait, and believe.  

My word for 2014 is WAIT.  I am not totally sure for what I am waiting.  It involves ministry and writing and family.  In the waiting I expect to find growth and contentment, but mostly I expect to find the Spirit teaching me to BELIEVE even when the timing is not my own.  As the sermon’s word on Christmas morning reminded me, “God’s people are a waiting people,” I want to be a waiting follower looking for what God is preparing for me.  

Thank you for waiting with me in 2013 when I was quiet. I am glad I have friends who have stayed with me.  As we wait on the Lord this year, may we find together meaning in what we see and experience.

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out,
    his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning.
    How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
    He’s all I’ve got left.

 God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
    to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
    quietly hope for help from God. It’s a good thing when you’re young
    to stick it out through the hard times.

Lamentations 3:22-27 (The Message)

Happy New Year!

Well we are eleven days into 2013 and I haven't done much writing.  Forgive me if you must, but I don't feel guilty about it either!  This was the first year in 8 years that German had time off at the end of the year--and first time ever he was able to take two weeks--so I have been enjoying relaxing with my family.  Sometimes we forget how to reconnect.

This week was focused on doing the things I would normally have done whilst he went back to work--taking down decorations, catching up on laundry, etc. The house looks "almost" normal and the closets have clean clothes and the baby is still sleeping so I can write!

So moving right along....the typical end of year review and beginning of year post:

Last year my word of the year was INTENT.  I wrote:
As you look around many Christian blogs, you will see calls to live intentionally in 2012. And although that is part of what I am seeing in these words, it actually runs along a different vein than many are using the word. I believe that I am being called to look INTENTLY at motivation, at the things I study, at the blessings I receive and the ministry opportunities that open to me. It is more than making decisions to be intentional. It is about looking at the intent (the motivation) behind my decisions. It is a heart issue. I want at the end of 2012 to be more aware of why I make the decisions I make and that the motivation behind my actions to be more and more based on what I see in scripture.

I don't know how it will look at the end of the year. I just know that it should look different than it does now. I look forward to seeing what God lays in my path as I seek him, intently.

I'm really not able to put into writing what this year has been in terms of this word.  God has used a willful toddler, an international move, changes in church, leaving homeschooling behind, and so many other things to help me to evaluate and reevaluate my intentions.  It has been good.  I know that there is an internal change.  Just not sure I can point to much tangible example.  The writer in me is bothered by that because I cannot communicate what is happening.  However, the word goals are not meant to glorify me in my blog but to change me in my thoughts and motivations.  So, maybe, that is the tangible proof itself.  Anyway, it was a challenging word and I hope it continues to be a part of me the way TREASURE and PONDER and ENGAGE and CONNECT have.

Whilst praying for a word for 2013 I came across this picture (and other variations of this picture) at www.istockphoto.com:

The picture resonates with me on two levels and the words I have chosen come from those images. First, I believe that 2013 is a year of TRANSFORMATION. Now, that word in and of itself is terrifying to me. I am a creature of habit and change is not always my friend (yes, you can laugh knowing how many changes that our family has made in the last 3 years). I prefer quiet and home and the transformations in our lifestyle over the last few years I have known were preparing me for something. Maybe this is year I will more clearly define the something. The verse that accompanies this thought is probably obvious but here it is:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Romans 12:2 (ESV)
This year I want to be intentional about the things that I put into my mind, that I put things to memory that will transform me and edify me and aid me in edifying others.
Secondly, I believe that 2013 is a year of EMERGING from one way of life into something that God has been preparing me for all along. I don't know exactly what that is yet, but I believe that it will involve a more intentional emphasis on ministry and writing than I have had in the last few years. I can't wait to see what is planned!

So that is where I'm at. I've enjoyed reading some of the other "Words" given to some amazing bloggers that I look forward to seeing how God transforms their lives as well. I ask for you prayers as we begin this new year together.

What about you, has God given you a word for 2013? Care to share?

Reflections on 2011 and Looking to 2012

Another year is coming to an end, and with it comes the inevitable reflections. Did I accomplish all I wanted to accomplish? Am I content with my actions? Where did I fail? What can I do about that? In what ways did God use me last year? Am I closer to Him today than I was on this date in 2010?

My words for 2011 were Ponder and Treasure. I have enjoyed the journey they led. I have found myself, out of character, recognizing and treasuring moments that I would easily have overlooked. I have intentionally made memories that could have easily been forgotten. I have marveled more at what Jewel and Flower are capable of doing and relished their joy a little more. As we moved (again) I chose to treasure the time we had been given rather than grieve the losses. It made my transition easier. I am treasuring the new friends that God is given us in our new home. I have treasured watching our previous church celebrate as they break ground on the new church building we were part of praying for and I have treasured celebrating with our new church as they dedicated the new church extension that we get to benefit from using. Most of all, we have treasured the blessing of Tree and how he is such a joy to our family. We have pondered what some of the changes mean for us and for our future. We have celebrated as God has shown glimpses of how he is restoring things that broke our hearts into ministry and understanding. In that, we ponder just how far some of that ministry will lead.

God has led me in a way through the year that I have not experienced before. The depth of peace that he has provided is something that I can never comprehend and will always treasure. Yet, to experience that peace I had to travel the rough paths that developed and proved it.

So, I had a little trepidation to consider what word God would lead me to this year. Words from the epistle of James drew me in:

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. James 1:22-25

I believe, again this year I am being led to two words: INTENT and ACTION.

As you look around many Christian blogs, you will see calls to live intentionally in 2012. And although that is part of what I am seeing in these words, it actually runs along a different vein than many are using the word. I believe that I am being called to look INTENTLY at motivation, at the things I study, at the blessings I receive and the ministry opportunities that open to me. It is more than making decisions to be intentional. It is about looking at the intent (the motivation) behind my decisions. It is a heart issue. I want at the end of 2012 to be more aware of why I make the decisions I make and that the motivation behind my actions to be more and more based on what I see in scripture.

I don't know how it will look at the end of the year. I just know that it should look different than it does now. I look forward to seeing what God lays in my path as I seek him, intently.

Reflections on 2010 and Dreams for 2011

I can't quite believe that it is already the end of 2010 and time to reflect on the past year. Yet, it is.

Last January I wrote that my word for 2010 was CONNECT. I think that in general I have reflected that well. We did make the move and that transition has required many, many connections. We have connected with a new church and a new house group that is a total blessing. We have connected with friends coming to stay with us and with other friends around the Thanksgiving table. We have connected with Chinese students by sharing our home and our Christmas with them. We have definitely taken more blessing than we could ever give as God gives us people with whom to share. I have helped Jewel and Flower connect to new friends and a new piano teacher. We will soon be connecting with a new home education group. I have not found a ladies bible study, but my goal is to find or start one soon.

As I wrote of the hope of connections in 2010, I had little contemplation for the disconnections that would have to come as well. We had to disconnect from beloved friends and a house group that was integral to our ministry. We found the courage and ability to disconnect from some hurtful relationships and from the hold of memory and tradition. We disconnected from a home we loved, to connect with another home only to be forced to disconnect again. It has been a difficult year of disconnecting, and I'm not sorry to see that part end.

Of course, when I wrote those plans in January I had no way of knowing that I would say good-bye to my mother in February. Disconnecting and reconnecting and finding new connections in the saying good-bye, seeing family at the funeral and adjusting in the months that have followed have re-defined the goal of connection this year. Yet I am finding the connection. Mom had boxes of family genealogy that she had done nothing with for years. Entering that research and finding the family roots have given a new connection in the time of loss.

So a year of connection comes to an end, but the connecting will continue. We look forward to 2011 of opening our home to ministry and seeing where God leads. But what else in 2011? Throughout Advent, I was drawn again and again to Luke 2:19

But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.

I believe that the words that God is giving me this year are PONDER and TREASURE. I see the new year of treasuring the blessing that bestowed, of rejoicing that He truly does bring beauty from ashes and that beauty must be treasured. I find more and more a need to ponder the glory of God and his amazing word. I want 2011 to be another year of Bible Memorization and study. I have missed being a part of a small group of ladies to study, and hope to seek that out this year. Our house group is centered on solid Bible Study, and the foundation of the new church is the Preaching and Teaching from the pulpit, so there is much to ponder. But one of my goals is to not have the pondering be limited to a cerebral exercise. I want it to be active and to be changing my actions as well as my thoughts.

So there are my dreams for 2011 in a nutshell--to treasure all God brings into my life and to ponder all he teaches me to move me to action. Thank you for being a part of my year of Connection in 2010. I pray that you have found a connection to the Saviour in these mere words I type each week. You are such a blessing to me!

Happy New Year 2011!

New Year's Meditations

As I've been reflecting on my dreams for 2009, I've been praying for a theme for this year. I've always had topics I wanted to work out during the year, but never a theme for the whole year. One word continues to come to the forefront of my dreams, so it will be my theme for the year. That word is:

ENGAGE

I believe that God is calling me to:
*ENGAGE in my marriage. This year will call for changes in German's work. It will probably mean a new account which could mean a new location. I need to intentionally engage with him to make the transition seamless as well as keeping the pressure off at home.
*ENGAGE with my children. This includes more engagement in activity for their education. I'm great with the factual education stuff, but hands-on is not my favorite way of learning. But it is theirs, so I need to engage with them in learning in a meaningful way for them. I also want to be more engaged in their spiritual development. Jewel is at an age where she is beginning to ask many questions about God and why Jesus came, and I want to take full advantage of this time. Finally with both them and with German I want to be more engaged in memory making. Whether it is in building traditions at home, celebrating milestones, or traveling, I want when they look back on these years for them to be able to recall parents who were fully engaged in their lives.
*ENGAGE with Scripture. I've felt the need to commit Scripture to memory for a couple of years. This year my dream is to do that. To that end, I'll be participating in the LPM memory challenge where we are to learn 2 verses a month. I like this plan, because each participant chooses the verses that God is laying on their hearts so it is applicable to day-to-day. I also want to engage Scripture in my personal Bible Study as well as the Ladies Study which I lead. As 2009 comes to an end, I pray that I am able to say that I've gone deeper and learned much. 2009 is also the year that I pray I will find a mentor for me. I've mentored many young Christians, but I am feeling somewhat empty in that pursuit. God has led me to two older women in our church (fairly new to the church) that I feel may be the mentors He has ordained. I'll be approaching them soon to see if they would meet with me, study with me and serve in that capacity.
*ENGAGE with ministry. My ministry at the church has been curtailed for various reasons this year. The Ladies Bible Study and the house group that meets in our home are wonderful opportunities, but I believe God has something new and "more" for 2009. I'm prayerfully anticipating what that might be.
*ENGAGE with others. I'm feeling led to be more intentional in hospitality, especially with non-believers. Just as I'm seeking a mentor, I need to seek someone to mentor this year. And I want to engage others in this blog. I continue to pray that this is a place of hospitality, encouragement and support. May 2009 see that come to even more fruition.

Bless you for visiting me this January 2009. I pray that you find God at work in your life throughout this year. My thanks to Lori for hosting this wonderful opportunity to reflect on dreams for 2009. Please visit her place to find meditations of others.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7
(my first memory verse of the year)

New Year Meditations at Laurel Wreath's Site!

Two years ago Laurel Wreath hosted a lovely time of posting our New Year Meditations. It was one of the highlights of my new year and something that I look forward to continuing. This year she is back again! Here is her invitation. I hope you will join me here the first week of 2009 as well as joining her at her site to get 2009 off to a great start of what we dream God will do in our lives.




Who: Everyone is invited

What: I would like you to post on your site about your hopes, dreams, and goals for the next year. What would you like to see God do in your life? How would you like to see Him move in things? Make this as general or as personal as you feel comfortable. What are your goals for next year? I am not looking for the “lose 10 lbs this year” answer, something a little bit deeper. When you look back to December 2009 where would you like to be?

When: Come back the first week of January 2009 (January 1 through 5th).

Where: I will put up a Mr. Linky beginning January 1st through 7th 2009, so you can link back to your blog post (not just your blog). I am not really one to make “New Year Resolutions” (in fact I dislike them), if I make them I break them. But I am one to think about what my dreams and desires are at the time, and see where the Lord leads me. Sometimes it is exciting because the Lord has so much more in mind, sometimes it proves to be a difficult year because He had a lot to teach me. Either way it is exciting to follow God’s leading and plan for my life. How about you?

Feel fee to grab the graphic and include it on your blog.I’m looking forward to seeing who will take me up on this challenge!

As an extra incentive, anyone who participates and advertises “New Year’s Meditations” on their blog I will be sending one lucky participant a $25 gift certificate to Amazon.com. I’ll do a random drawing from the names of everyone who does a post and leaves their link here (beginning Jan. 1st) via Mr. Linky

New Years Meditations, Take 2

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008!


Last December into January, Laurel Wreath challenged us to write our New Year Meditations. It was an amazing exercise for me, and one that I have revisited over and over throughout the year. It challenged me, and really helped to set the bar for what I would focus on during the year. The meditations were more than resolutions, they were hopes and dreams of what I expected God to do in me and through me during 2007.

I came into 2008 expecting to write a "here's how I did and what God did" article and then write new meditations for 2008. But, I find that is a plan that is not working. Because 2007 meditations were dreams--and God so often takes my dreams and challenges them, reworks them and answers them in a variety of ways. I find myself not wanting to just report and revamp, but to see how the dream is growing, and refocus. So, following (in red) are the mediations from 2007. In the blue type, are my 2008 dreams and thoughts. I now see this as a living document that God will continue to grow in this year and the coming years (until He decides it is time for a new dream!)


In 2007 I want to grow more Christ-like in my speech with my children. I want to break the stronghold that my mother taught me that a raised voice brings calm. It doesn’t. It adds to the chaos. I want to not be the cause of chaos in my home. I want to embody Ephesians 4:29 and Ephesians 6:4. I pray that our time of school is teaching Jewel and Flower, not only basic education but basics of living in a family and getting along with one another. I pray that our play time is making memories and setting an example of loving life and loving God.

This continues to be my prayer. I am finding that breaking strongholds is three steps forward and two steps back. I am a long way from where I want to be, but by the grace of God I am much further down this path than I dreamed I could be. Loud still embodies my home at times, but it is not totality. And in the facial expressions of my children I see reflections of an ungodly attitude and I know exactly where they learned it. I want to change that. I continue to seek to be Christ-like examples for them. We are so loving home-education, and the intellectual pursuits are going so well. I pray the life-building will be the memory making moments for them in 2008.

In 2007 I want to display the gentle quiet spirit that German needs me to be in our home. I want to show him the respect that he deserves as my husband and the head of this home. I pray taht God will mold me more and more into that wife that He knew German needed and that if asked to describe his wife, adjectives like "Godly" "supportive" "loving" and "giving" would be the first things that come to German's mind.

In this area all I can say is GOD IS SO GOOD! He has answered this abundantly. Mid-way through the year, German said something about how much I changed. But it wasn't me, it was God working. And where we have always had a good marriage, now it is even greater. I am so blessed, and I want to continue to see God blessing my marriage in 2008.

In 2007, I pray that the Ladies Bible Study will grow in numbers and depth. I pray that those dear ladies who are coming each week, believing that being churched is the same as being saved, will see Jesus for Who He is and submit their lives to Him. I prayt that I can be an instrument of truth. I pray that I will be careful in my speech and my answers. I want to grow in knowledge and impart that with honesty, sincerity and integrity. As we study the Patriarchs (study by Beth Moore) may I grow in an understanding of what blessing and covenant and being a chosen people is all about.

This is an area that God has so richly blessed me! The study may not have changed in terms of numbers, per se, but the depth of discussion is amazing. The Patriarchs study was fantastic. We are currently studying Mary and Martha and I am finally becoming only a facilitator as the ladies come prepared and hungry to discuss what God is teaching them. I pray that continues in the new year. I began Believing God (by Beth Moore) later in the year and it is stopping me in my tracks and encouraging me on so many levels. I am finding that God stops my words more and more often (or rather I recognize His guidance and stop talking). I am listening more and the relationships around me are blossoming because of it. I pray that this area grows deeper and richer this year. Also in 2008 I will be leading a Bible Study on a message board I frequent. I pray that the participants will grow in their faith. More importantly, I pray that those who just lurk and read will see a picture of a Jesus they might be interested in knowing.

In 2007 I pray that my quiet time will be rich, deep and taking me to new levels. I pray that I will be more consistent and not allow the struggles of the day to intervene. I pray that I will have successfully memorized at least one verse a month that is directly applicable to what God is teaching me. I pray that my accountability and prayer time with a friend is consistent and honest and that she and I will enter into 2008 changed women because of how God has sharpened us with one another.

Here again, all I can do is thank God at what He is doing in my personal time with you. My quiet time is so much more consistent than this time last year. It is still not as consistent as I dream, and I believe that 2008 will be a year for developing that more and more, but the blessings of more regular time with Him has been life-changing. I am learning to have "living room intimacy" with Jesus (to borrow a phrase from Joanna Weaver's Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World) and the relationship demonstrates that intimacy. I pray that 2008 will find me continuing on the journey that Jesus called me to at the beginning of 2007 and has blessed me with this past year. He has proven over and over that He will meet me whenever and whereever I choose. I dream that I will never lose this growing desire to meet Him daily, and frequently. In 2008, my dream for personal study is that Scripture memory will become alive and real for me. I have played at memorizing Scripture for a long time. This year I want to be serious about it. For 2008, I hope that the accountability friendship will strengthen. When we were diligent about meeting, our daily and emotional lives as well as our prayer lives were definitely flourishing. I found myself faltering and falling into old habits more quickly without that regular contact. I don't know if it was the same for her, but I suspect it was, so I pray we are able to be more regular in our prayer time.

In 2007 I pray that this blog touches someone’s life. I pray that it is not just useless words put out there, but that I am cautious and responsible with my words. I pray that it never become a source of pride of what I can do, but that it remains a means for me to relay what God is doing. I pray that I will be a Biblical friend to those I meet in blogsphere, pointing them to Jesus in every word and action.

This continues to be my prayer. I don't think that I will ever know this side of heaven how much God has answered this. I get glimpses in the lives of the people that I have come to know (thanks Danielle and others for telling me). I pray that in 2008 this blog continues to touch lives. I never want to be just words in the wind.

I do not believe in making resolutions on New Year’s Day because I believe that resolutions are made in our own strength depending upon ourselves to break the habits that we are resolving to break. I cannot break the habits in my life on my own. But I pray that 2007 is the year that I allow God to have victory in my life in my diet and physical well-being. I would like to look back on 2007 at a healthier weight and an even greater relationship with God as I allow Him to be my comfort instead of food.

Again, a long way to go, but so much progress. I am 20 pounds toward a healthier weight. But more importantly, I am developing a healthier relationship with food. I am finding ways to allow God to comfort, not go to food. I pray that 2008 finds me continuing this path. I would love to see 20 more pounds disappear. And I want to see more exercise enter into my life (starting with walking around the lake every day). But most of all, I want to turn to God instead of to food when I am lonely or stressed.

A new dream that God is giving me in 2008 is to be a mentor to someone on a regular and consistent basis. I have benefitted from the ladies who have walked with Jesus longer than me, imparting their experience to me. I want to be that as well. I am praying about how, when, who. He is revealing Himself, and as He draws back the curtain to show me how this desire in my heart fits into His plan, I pray I have the courage and consistency to follow through.

Books I want to read in 2007 to help me on the journey:
1. Prayer by Philip Yancy--did not finish, too much to take in quickly
2. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs The single most important book I have ever read besides the Bible to enhance my marriage!
3. Forever in Love with Jesus by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli--did not start
4. Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp--Good book with interesting perspective
5. The Joy of Eating Right by Dee Brestin and Peggy Johnston--This study was not what I was needing in terms of diet, but I found resources elsewhere
6. Believing God by Beth Moore--still in the process
7. Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes--still reading
8. What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa Terkewst--just started

Other books read for the journey: Taking Care of the Me in Mommy and Creative Correction by Lisa Whelchel, For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, and Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver

Books added for 2008:
1. Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Terri Maxwell
2. A Woman's Journey to the Heart of God by Cynthia Heald

New Year Meditations

Dreams for 2007

Wow. I’ve been thinking about this a lot since it was announced. As I look back over 2006, so much has happened that I could never have dreamed. (German leaving a job after 18 years without a firm offer but trusting that God said ‘leave now’ and the tremendous blessings that the new job, and the new house, have been; beginning to home educate with Jewel and how much God is teaching me through that; new people in the Bible Study I’m leading; the blessing of blogsphere, etc.) It almost seems impertinent to state dreams. But I believe that God loves hearing the desires of our heart. So, here it goes:

In 2007 I want to grow more Christ-like in my speech with my children. I want to break the stronghold that my mother taught me that a raised voice brings calm. It doesn’t. It adds to the chaos. I want to not be the cause of chaos in my home. I want to embody Proverbs 15:1 and Ephesians 4:29 and Ephesians 6:4. I pray that our time of school is teaching Jewel and Flower, not only basic education but basics of living in a family and getting along with one another. I pray that our play time is making memories and setting an example of loving life and loving God.

In 2007 I want to display the gentle quiet spirit that German needs me to be in our home. I want to show him the respect that he deserves as my husband and the head of this home. I pray that God will mold me more and more into that wife that He knew German needed and that if asked to describe his wife, adjectives like “Godly” “supportive” “loving” and “giving” would be the first things that came to German's mind.

In 2007, I pray that the Ladies Bible Study will grow in numbers and in depth. I pray that those dear ladies who are coming each week, believing that being churched is the same as being saved, will see Jesus for Who He is and submit their lives to Him. I pray that I can be an instrument of truth. I pray that I will be careful in my speech and my answers. I want to grow in knowledge and impart that with honesty, sincerity and integrity. As we study the Patriarchs (study by Beth Moore) may I grow in an understanding of what blessing and covenant and being a chosen people is all about.

In 2007 I pray that my quiet time will be rich, deep and taking me to new levels. I pray that I will be more consistent and not allow the struggles of the day to intervene. I pray that I will have successfully memorized at least one verse a month that is directly applicable to what God is teaching me. I pray that my accountability and prayer time with a friend is consistent and honest and that she and I will enter into 2008 changed women because of how God has sharpened us with one another.

In 2007 I pray that this blog touches someone’s life. I pray that it is not just useless words put out there, but that I am cautious and responsible with my words. I pray that it never become a source of pride of what I can do, but that it remains a means for me to relay what God is doing. I pray that I will be a Biblical friend to those I meet in blogsphere, pointing them to Jesus in every word and action.

I do not believe in making resolutions on New Year’s Day because I believe that resolutions are made in our own strength depending upon ourselves to break the habits that we are resolving to break. I cannot break the habits in my life on my own. But I pray that 2007 is the year that I allow God to have victory in my life in my diet and physical well-being. I would like to look back on 2007 at a healthier weight and an even greater relationship with God as I allow Him to be my comfort instead of food.

Books I want to read in 2007 to help me on the journey:
1. Prayer by Philip Yancy
2. Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
3. Forever in Love with Jesus by Dee Brestin and Kathy Troccoli
4. Shepherding A Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp
5. The Joy of Eating Right by Dee Brestin and Peggy Johnston
6. Believing God by Beth Moore
7. Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes
8. What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa Terkewst