Thursday, January 20, 2022

Driving While Black by Gretchen Sorin--a book review and some reflections

 Full disclosure: I grew up with a father who loved to drive and road trips were our thing.  So I have spent many a day traveling.  My Dad's way of planning a trip (especially just a weekend drive) was driving until there was a fork in the road, asking for a concensus of "left" or "right" and that's the way we went. Where, how and when we would go was not really a thing to consider.

That is not how one travels when they are 


 
This book was eye-opening to me.  Part memoir, part well-documented research, it tells the story of the what it was like to be black and travel, mostly by car, from the early sixties until today. Even with my knowledge of Jim Crow South, I had not considered how difficult just going to visit relatives or travel for work was.  The statistics of car ownership, motel accessibility, who would advertise in the Green Book, police stops, etc were so informative.  Balancing those statistics with her own family stories or stories of other travelers made them accessible.  I learned from this book.  I got angry with this book.  I more fully appreciated what the parents of black friends must have experienced and I was shocked that I didn't know.  That was the main thing I walked away from this book thinking, "how did I not know?"

I understood things from my childhood that I before reading this book, I didn't even realize I didn't understand. Why was one black family criticized for their 'uppity' Cadillac and why was another black family admired for theirs? A subtle perception of who had earned theirs? I see those subtlties now that I never noticed as a child.  That was one of the strengths of this book--her story. The author, in hindsight, recognizes many of the indignities that her parents endured, that they covered from her and her brother. So where her memories are of great road trips to see her grandparents, she now sees how orchestrated that trip was to keep them all safe. It worked similarly for me. I looked back and saw struggles and indignities that I did not recognise as existing before.  The difference is that I look at it from the position of privilege, so I have to own the fact that some of those indignities were perpetuated by people I care about, and all of those indignities were instigated by people who look like me. And that is difficult to process.  This book may have intended to inform, and it did that well.  But it also held up a mirror that caused me to evaluate some memories that were long forgotten.

I remember discovering that my mother's sophomore school yearbook had two sections: the front section where her pictures were and the 'colored' section at the back.  That was my first comprehension that there had ever been separate schools in my little hometown.  I learned that what was now the Kindergarten had once been the Colored School. I struggled to imagine. But, as we are prone to do as children, I put that down as 'ancient history' even if it was actually only six years before my birth! Because surely none of that happened recently. This book made that history my history. Traveling While Black speaks of the dangers of traveling in the South because of the dangers of the Klan. My first gut reaction was that was Mississippi or Alabama, but not in my quiet part of Texas.  Immediately I remembered a day just three years ago. I met my Dad in a nearby town for us to travel together to another community's street fair.  We were leaving my car at the courthouse.  Dad called me over and pointed to a corner building facing the courthouse.  He asked if he had ever told me about that building and shook my head.  He said that it had been a friend's restaurant for years.  I nodded as if I was interested, but honestly it was ancient history to me.  Then he said, "See that plaster up there?" I nodded and he said that was where they had to plaster over the bricks, because KKK was spelled out in the brick design and it couldn't be painted over.  Now, he had my attention.  The KKK met here? In this sleepy, little West Texas town that I had been to many times. That "history" happened here?  He then  quietly said,"It wasn't that long ago, I remember seeing it."  Even with all the reading and self-reflecting I have done, I had not articulated in my head that that Southern history happened in my back yard.  This book helped me bring that memory to life and recognize that the dangers had been, and still are, right here.

Another travel memory that this book brought to mind was from the early-1970s when we traveled to California to visit family.  It was summer. I remember that the plan was to cross the desert at night to be cooler. My brother and I would have slept in the back of the station wagon (pre-seat belt days). I remember waking up because we had stopped and my Mom telling me to stay down.  We had stopped because there was an accident and Dad had gone to see if they needed help. The van was on fire and the fire truck and ambulance soon arrived. So Dad came back to the car, but he was furious. Apparently one of the others who had stopped to 'help' had asked what the race of the person in the van was and made a disparaging remark that if the person was Native American (not the word used) they could "let them burn" but since he was black (also not the word used) they should save them. They had pulled the man to safety before the ambulance got there. Dad was furious at the inhumanity shown. I remember being shocked at how mad he was because, as much as I loved him, he was known for compartmentalizing race. Looking back I'm relieved that he really did value life over racial separation, but it makes me uneasy that I remember that moment with surprise. That memory was long buried until reading the sections about finding healthcare if a traveler had an accident on the road.  I wanted to read those sections and say it couldn't be true. But my own memories testify that getting help when non-white was real. I have to acknowledge the reality that something I take for granted was not granted to others. And that makes me both uneasy and angry.  

I appreciate this book.  I will revisit it.  As someone who loves to travel, I need to remember that travel has often been a privilege. I appreciate that this book brought history near, that it caused me to actually see some of the inequality I have witnessed and to struggle with that. I'm still "sitting with that uneasiness" because I'm not sure what to do with it.  I originally picked this book up as a staff recommendation from The Novel Neighbor bookstore in St. Louis.  I'm grateful to the staff member that put it on the recommendation shelf.  I'll be recommending it for a long while.






Monday, January 10, 2022

Weekly Meditation

"[S]he who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for planting shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing h[er] sheaves with [her]."

Psalm 126:6

Friday, January 07, 2022

I'm Back, A Change of Focus, and a Word for 2022

     I'm going to try this writing thing again.  Obviously, a lot has happened in three years. To me, to my family and to the world.  I've been writing, but it has been private reflection.  You will probably see some of that, but not all.  To recap in a nutshell: we moved back to Texas, culture shock set in, the world went crazy and I began to seriously look at the prejudice and separations that set up my childhood, continued to experience culture shock, COVID-19 hit, Rod lost his dad (not to COVID), we bought a house and decided to put our roots in Texas, I lost my Dad/Hero/Best Friend to COVID, I lost my brother to COVID, I totally untethered from plans, I wrote for my sanity and now I think I'm ready to re-connect with the world.  We'll see how long it lasts.  But for the two of you who still check in, I'm here.

    My focus of the blog has always been faith, homeschooling, memory recording and hobbies.  Faith will continue to be the focus, but you will see more of how my faith questions culture, and experience, and expectation.  I'll probably write more about justice, entitlement, and discomfort. I'm just giving you fair warning. I am not the same person who stepped away from the blog in 2018. World circumstances and a lot of time with God have changed me. So I may not hold as many ideas back in the coming days.

    As you may remember, I always have a word for the year.  In 2018 I was working through the idea of being on the Outskirts and reaching those on the outskirts and reflecting on Job 26:14. My word for 2019 was Hope as we continued to wait on God for a job and a place to settle.  In 2020 I started the year with FOCUS since Gemma was to graduate and I didn't want to miss the little things of her ending "childhood" as she became an adult.  I took 2021 off from having a word for the year. Last year was about survival and grief; introspection and asking hard questions and looking past actions directly in the face in light of racism and judgmental attitudes. It was hard and exhausting. So, to be honest, I wasn't sure I even wanted to find a focus word for 2022. But, as so often happens, things began to point me in a general direction.

    One thing I did in 2020 was add plants to my house and I planted a garden. The houseplants survive--the garden did not. In fact, it was a spectacular failure. But it did not deter my dream to grow things. So, I began to think about cultivation as a word, but it was not quite right. In my world reading I picked up the book Where the Wind Leads: A Refugee Family's Miraculous Story of Loss, Rescue and Redemption by Vinh Chung with Tim Downs. In that book, the author spoke of the Vietnamese expression Mất Gấc or "to lose root." The idea, as an immigrant, one loses root as they forget where they came from as they adapt to a new country and culture.  So language, tradition, and cultural clues which root us to our heritage can be lost in transition. Although no longer an immigrant, the idea resonated with me. The last four years have been hard to regain American roots, hold onto European roots that had become so much a part of us, and remember how all of those roots come together in me and my family. Then, in losing my Dad and then my brother this past year, the physical family roots were also severed. I have felt untethered. Just as we were buying a home to put down roots, it felt like everything was pulled up.  So to the germinating 😉 idea of cultivation, I added the idea of roots.

    I still did not have my word for 2022, just an idea. Every couple of years I seriously revisit the Proverbs 31 Woman to see which of her seasons of life I'm aligning with (I don't think this description of her is at one moment but over the course of a lifetime.) In that review, I "found" Proverbs 31:16:

"She considers a field and buys it; With the fruit of her hands, she plants a vineyard."

Maybe this is what I was seeking.  As I began to solidify "plant" as my word, someone posted this quote from wordables.com on their Instagram:

"May the tears you cried in 2021 water the seed you're planting in 2022."

And then I was certain. My word for 2022 is:

PLANT

So in 2022, I am going to PLANT:

  • The Word of God in my heart with intentional Bible Study and Scripture Memory
  • The Word of God in Women's hearts as I teach and lead
  • Stronger Family Roots as I redefine family traditions, record family history, and tell the stories
  • Family Memories as we make the most of the next few months before family dynamics are redefined
  • Trust and Freedom as we release two of our children to the world this Autumn
  • Seeds of Change in myself and others as I tackle the difficult -ism conversations and stay true to what God is teaching me
  • Actual vegetable seeds as we try to garden, part 2.

I'm excited about what God will do in 2022.  Thank you for joining me on this journey.  What's your focus/dream/goal for this year?


photo credit: apples @ morguefile.com


Tuesday, April 03, 2018

March Goal Review and April Goals

March was an awesome month for reading and schoolish stuff, but not much on other fronts.  I'm still happy with how goal setting is working in 2018.

My March goals were:
 1. Read 4 books that are not school related, set in at least three countries that are not UK or US, and that meet at least 3 prompts on my reading challenge.--20 books read! 5 school related, 15 just for me, set in 7 countries not US/Canada/UK and met 6 prompts for the reading challenge.
2. Post on social media 5 times--yes, mostly Instagram, but I'm writing so more to come here in the future
3. Finish block 4 on Christmas at Hawk Run Hollow--no
4. Pack up my Neighbourhood Round Robin and send to stitchers who have volunteered to help me finish it!--no, must get this accomplished
5. Scan Flower's school workbooks (1/2 box in attic)--I thought the box was Flower's, but it was mostly Jewel's.  But I did scan them!
6. No chips for snacks--replace with carrot and cucumber sticks--LOL
7. Draw up a rough planning sheet to plan for next year school (starting early since I will have 2 in High School!)--yes

8. Participate in new Bible Study at church. Yes, even managed to land myself a job facilitating part of it.

My goals for April will be:
 1. Read 4 books that are not school related, set in at least three countries that are not UK or US, and that meet at least 3 prompts on my reading challenge.
2. Post on social media 5 times
3. Finish block 4 on Christmas at Hawk Run Hollow
4. Pack up my Neighbourhood Round Robin and send to stitchers who have volunteered to help me finish it!
5. Find and scan Flower's school workbooks (1/2 box in attic)
6. Sit down with girls and go over planning sheet to plan for next year school (do this after meeting with the local Coop to see if it is a match for us)

7. Celebrate with family at my cousin's wedding!
8. Meet with local A21 group regarding volunteer opportunities this year (their kick-off for year's activities is this month). 

Friday, March 09, 2018

ReEntry drama and humor post 4

I will never forget my first Sunday in England.  German had been there for a month before me, and had already begun to make connections at the little church that would be our home for the next several years. I was a little overwhelmed already, and now I was meeting these new friends for the first time.  The pastor came up to say hello, we were introduced and he promptly hugged and kissed me on both cheeks. I.was.not.prepared.for.that. And my introverted self said, "I will never get use to this."

For the first several weeks, there was this awkward dance when meeting someone. Is there a kiss, is there not a kiss? One cheek or both? It was a dance I thought I would never learn. But then, I learned it. And it became second nature.

And, now?  We are back in the States.  And I'm meeting loads of new people. There is this mantra that resounds in my ear as we meet people or greet people during that lovely time at church when they say, "Now turn to your neighbor..."  That mantra is, "Don't kiss, don't kiss, don't kiss." That ting that I was sure I would never get used to, now I miss desperately.


Friday, March 02, 2018

March Goal setting and February review





In February, my goals were:

1. Read 4 books that are not school related, set in at least one country that is not UK or US, and that meets at least 3 prompts on my reading challenge. I read 13 books (7 for school, 6 for me) set in 8 countries plus the US which met 3 reading challenge prompts!
2. Post on social media 5 times I posted 4 times on the blog, but I admit it, Instagram is my go-to for quick posts.  Still writing blog posts, but need to publish more.
3. Finish block 4 on Christmas at Hawk Run Hollow nope
4. Finish Romania block for Neighbourhood Round Robin  all but the flag
5. Scan Jewel's school workbooks (1/2 box in attic) yes
6. No chips for snacks--replace with carrot and cucumber sticks no
7. Talk to K & B about volunteer opportunities through church. Be intentional! I've met with K and then a more in depth meeting, and will look to do come on board A21 as they set up the plans for the new year. I've met with B and had planned to already be doing some work with international students but car trouble has prevented me.  Will start soon.

So, my March goals will be:
 1. Read 4 books that are not school related, set in at least three countries that are not UK or US, and that meet at least 3 prompts on my reading challenge.
2. Post on social media 5 times
3. Finish block 4 on Christmas at Hawk Run Hollow
4. Pack up my Neighbourhood Round Robin and send to stitchers who have volunteered to help me finish it!
5. Scan Flower's school workbooks (1/2 box in attic)
6. No chips for snacks--replace with carrot and cucumber sticks
7. Draw up a rough planning sheet to plan for next year school (starting early since I will have 2 in High School!)

8. Participate in new Bible Study at church. 

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Re-entry Drama and Humor--Post 3

When I was in High School, Christmas day fell on a Sunday.  I was quite indignant that my little Baptist Church was not having services, because it was Christmas.  The pastor's argument that church staff (that was him) didn't want to work on Christmas day any more than anyone else just didn't make sense.  Umm...your job is to promote...Christmas... and everything it represents. But, alas, there were to be no services.  I became even more indignant when I discovered that none of the local Baptist Churches, Church of Christ churches or Catholic churches were having services either.  But my teen angst was eased when the Methodist church announced that it would, indeed, have services.  My mother, reluctantly, agreed to take her huffy teen to the service. It was one of those most special church moments for me, since local people from all the denominations were there to celebrate the birth of OUR savior.  It made sense. It was good.  It was joy-filled. And I walked away from that moment thinking that if there was ever a day for the church to be open it was Christmas.  Yet it was the only Christmas morning in my growing up years that I ever celebrated AT church.

Our first Christmas in England, Christmas day was on a Tuesday.  Imagine my surprise to learn that my Baptist church in England was having Christmas morning services.  On a Tuesday! My cynical self expected there to be a handful of people. Instead, the church was crowded.  We happily sang, "Yea, Lord, we greet thee, born this happy morning," which is the third verse of "Oh Come All Ye Faithful." In this church, the third verse is only sung on Christmas morning.  It was a great tradition. All the kids brought toys they had received that morning and the pastor demonstrated how they worked, complete with riding a unicycle down the aisle. It was a happy, joyous occassion. We wished our church family 'Happy Christmas' and then families returned to their homes to continue their individual traditions.

After that, when folks would ask us if we were 'going home' [i.e. to the States] for Christmas, we would answer that we could not imagine not being with our church family at Christmas, so no we would not be traveling. Christmas morning at church was a part of our tradition in each of the four churches we were in while in Europe. It was a given. We would be there for Christmas.  We would sing our joy of Christmas' arrival, we would hug our friends and then we would have our family traditions for the rest of the day. Sixteen Christmas mornings at church.

Then we returned to the United States in September, so we were in the States for Christmas.  And there was so much I loved about Christmas.  It was the first Christmas in our marriage that we were 'home' for Christmas. We loved watching the niece and nephew open gifts. We reveled in the laughter and the food and the traditions. We, as an extended family, went to Christmas Eve candlelight services, and they were beautiful. But Christmas morning, something was missing. I was sad that I did not have a church service to go and sing with fellow believers to welcome the Christ child. NONE of the evangelical or mainline churches in our city had advertised services. Many had Christmas Eve services, but none Christmas morning.  There was one Catholic church down the road from us that held an early mass.  That was all. And it made me sad. And it made me miss my European brothers and sisters who seem to remember the reason for Christmas is more than commercialism and a day off. 

And I'm recording this because I don't want to forget how amazing worship on Christmas morning can be.